Beyond The Lamppost

Now My Eyes Leak Acid Rain

October Prompt- Sisters

"But now my eyes leak acid rain on the pillow where you used to lay your head"

~~~

Susan took a deep breath as she turned the key in the lock. She swallowed hard as the door unlocked and when she turned the handle. She wasn't sure if she was ready for this, but she had to do this today. She had to. It was eating her up inside.

As she walked inside, she was hit with the familiar smell of home. For a moment, she felt happy. She recalled her childhood, when she ran through these halls playing with dolls, and dressing up as a princess, and stealing her mother's makeup. Or the nights she would sit on her father's lap as he read the newspaper, and she read a book or played with a doll. And the days she would play in the backyard with her siblings, where they would play games of pretend. Their favorite was the game where they were all kings and queens of this magical world where animals could talk.

But, these happy memories only lasted a moment, because then she remembered the harsh reality.

She had no mother. She had no father. She had, no family.

Susan took a deep breath as she shut the door behind her. She imediately headed up the stairs, not having the heart to look around the whole house just yet.

"Third door on the left, third door on the left." She said to herself, not wanting to look at any of the other rooms. She knew that would only cause her more pain.

She swallowed hard as she reached the door, taking a deep, shaky breath. She opened the door and stepped inside. The second she looked around, tears filled her eyes as her heart began to break.

Susan walked over to the bed very slowly, sitting on it extremely gently, after all nobody had been in this room since Lucy died.

She smiled wetly at the pictures she saw on Lucy's nightstand.

The first one she picked up was one of the Pevensie family, from the day Lucy was born. Susan remembered that day perfectly, she was so excited to finally have a sister. As a little girl, Susan would go into Lucy's room while she slept, standing next to her crib and just watching her. She had to make sure she was safe.

The next picture, was of Susan and her siblings. It was from Christmas about three years ago. Susan remembered that day vividly, it had been one of her favorite Christmases. It snowed for the first time in years, and even though they really weren't children anymore, they all played in the snow, Her parents even joined in. Susan and her siblings had a snowball fight, Peter and Edmund insisted they won fair and square, but Lucy just knew they somehow cheated. Then the whole family built a snowman, it was huge too. It stayed up for weeks after the snow had melted.

Susan took a deep breath as she picked up the final photograph, this one just of Lucy.

It was from her 16th birthday. Lucy looked absolutely gorgeous. She was smiling from ear to ear, her hair was curled so perfectly that it bounced when she walked. Lucy wasn't much for makeup, but she decided to wear just a little bit that day. Just some pink lipstick and a little bit of mascara, but the color suited her well. As did her dress. It was a pale pink color, and it had white butterflies on it, Lucy truly looked stunning in it. Susan remembered wondering how Lucy had grown up so quickly. Or maybe Lucy hadn't grown up, she'd only grown older.

Tears filled Susan's eyes as she rememberd one other thing about Lucy's sweet 16. She had been late to the party. She hadn't meant to be late, she was out with friends and simply lost track of the time. Not only that, she left early beacause she had a date. And now, Susan regretted that more than ever. She could have gone out with her friends another day, so she could help Lucy get ready. She could have rescheduled the date, so she hadn't had to leave early.

Lucy was upset about it, and Susan knew she was. But she left anyway. Knowing Lucy would get over it eventually. Now she hated herself for thinking such a mean thing about her sister.

"I'm sorry." Susan said, tears streaming down her cheeks as she looked at the photo of Lucy. "I'm sorry I was late, and I'm sorry I left early. And I'm sorry about what happened the night before you died. I shouldn't have shouted at you like I did. There's no harm in what you all were doing. You weren't childish Lucy, you were child like. Which is truly a beautiful thing to be, to have the heart of a child even as an adult, not many people have that. But you did, you had the magical perspective of a child from the day you were born until the day you died, and that's a beautiful way to look at the world. I wish I could see the world like you did, I wish I saw a lot of things the way you did, Lucy. I'm sorry I don't. I'm sorry for everything, Lucy. I'm so, so, so sorry. My biggest regret is shouting at you the way I did. But I hope I can find your forgiveness one day, somehow. I love you, and miss you so much. I'm sorry."

Susan was sobbing at this point, her entire body shook as she cried. She decided to put the picture down so she didn't accidently drop it.

After she did she laid her head on Lucy's pillow, and continued to cry, eventually crying herself to sleep.

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I've never written a song based one shot before but I was trying to come up with an idea for this the other day, and I remembered this lyric from Happiness (by Taylor Swift) and I've always associated it with Susan. Soooo I figured I'd write a one shot about it. I like to think Susan slept in all her siblings beds after they died, and she probably cried herself to sleep💔🥺