Beyond The Lamppost

Turned into Your Worst Fears

Susan's worst fear wasn't something tangible. It wasn't something she talked about, but if you really listened to her, you could figure it out. She herself might not even admit how much this scared her, but the thought of it did cause her heart to beat quickly. She wasn't sure why exactly, but she just knew, she could never let it happen again, after it happened the first time. Because it made her feel unworthy, unloved, and unwanted.

Susan's worst fear was rejection from society.

If asked, she likely wouldn't have said this was her worst fear. She didn't really know how much it scared her, until it happened.

As a child, Susan always wanted to fit in, and usually she could without much effort. She easily made friends in school, and everyone always seemed to like her. Even her parent's friends seemed to love her, they could have a conversation with her and feel like they were talking to an adult.

Susan loved this, she felt well liked, as if she belonged somewhere. It gave her self assurance to know her place in the world. If she knew where she belonged, she could adapt to that environment, and thrive.

She had always thrived in England, and she loved it there.

But then, she wasn't there anymore.

She was in Narnia, and Narnia was not the same as England.

It took Susan a while to get used to being in Narnia. She didn't let her guard down for a long time, because she wasn't sure about this place. It was hard for her to admit that it was all real, and not just a figure of her imagination. It didn't quite feel like home yet.

Until it did.

Susan began to love Narnia. She loved the summer sun, and how unbelievably blue the water of the Eastern ocean was. She didn't know water could be that blue. She loved all the flowers that grew in the spring, so many different colors and scents, Susan truly loved flowers. She loved to watch the snow glisten as it fell in the winter, unsure if she had ever seen anything so white in her life. And there were so many beautiful colors on the trees throughout autumn. Orange, and brown, and red, and green, crimson, all brighter than the colors back home. The autumns leaves always seemed to fall down like pieces into place. Susan truly loved each season in Narnia, and found them all beautiful and perfect in their own ways.

She loved the people, just as much as she loved the beautiful land of Narnia. Everyone in Narnia was kind, and people smiled more here than back home. Susan received flowers, sweets, and gifts, practically every day, for no reason at all. Just because the Narnians were so lovely and wanted her to feel loved. She insisted that she didn't need all these gifts, but everyone was so persistent in showing Susan and her family that they were welcome. The Narnians loved Susan, and she loved them right back.

So, Susan let her guard down, and she began to trust these people, and this place.

She loved to give the Narnians gifts for their birthdays, and visit them at their homes. She loved to give them fancy gifts, because their eyes lit up brighter than the sun when she did. Susan threw countless balls and parties for the Narnians, because she wanted them to feel just as special as she felt as a queen. Talking with them all, and getting to know everyone, was Susan's favorite pastime. She loved getting to know her people, because she loved her people.

Narnia was Susan's home.

Until it wasn't.

She was sent -forced- away from her home, was more like it. After years and years of being a queen, Susan fell back through the wardrobe that had first taken her to Narnia, and she became a child once again. A young child in England. Rather than a grown up, respectable queen in Narnia. Susan wasn't sure what to do when this happened.