Beyond The Lamppost

The Most Difficult Thing I've Ever had to do

Lucy shut her bedroom door as she walked inside, leaning against it and taking a shaky deep breath. She blinked back the tears that filled her eyes, but they were just replaced by new ones. She sighed, realizing crying was inevitable, and sat down on her bed.

She, Edmund, and Eustace just returned from Narnia a few hours ago. Immediately after returning, they were all called downstairs to meet Eustace's friend, Jill. She even stayed and had dinner with them. It was incredibly difficult for Lucy to keep herself together that entire time, but somehow she managed it.

But now, she was alone, and all of her emotions seemed to come pouring out at once. Lucy glanced up at the picture frame of the boat on the wall, which now made her think of Narnia more than it ever did before. At the sight of it, she simply burst into tears.

There was a knock on her door a moment later, and Lucy gasped and looked up at the door. She quickly wiped away her tears, sniffling as she did. "Come in." She tried her hardest to sound like she wasn't crying, but wasn't sure if she succeeded.

The door slowly opened and Edmund walked in. "Lu, did you want- hey what's wrong?" He could easily tell that Lucy had been crying, her eyes were red and her cheeks were shiny. Plus Edmund knew what his sister looked like when she was upset.

Edmund shut the door behind him and sat next to Lucy on her bed. He put his arm around her, and she laid her head on his shoulder. "You okay?" He asked gently.

Lucy sniffled as another tear escaped her lids. "No."

Edmund looked down at her for a moment before replying. "Me either." He said, no emotion in his voice.

Lucy let out a shaky sigh. "I just can't believe we're never...never going back."

"It's difficult to wrap your head around." Edmund said. "I'm not sure if it's completely sunk in yet."

Lucy slowly sat up so she could look at Edmund. "Saying goodbye to Aslan has always been the most difficult thing in the world, even when I knew I would see him again. But, knowing I'm never going to see them again, that thought just makes me want to cry forever and ever."

Edmund's face softened and he wrapped his arms around Lucy. "I know." He said, rubbing his hands up and down her back. "I know. But he said we need to find his name in this world."

Lucy nodded. "I want to find him on this world. I think it will bring me comfort when I do, but that's not going to happen overnight. And it gives me hope, but it doesn't make me miss him, or Narnia any less."

"You're right. It doesn't. I don't think anything will make this easier but time."

Lucy nodded and slowly pulled away when Edmund said this. "It's going to take a lot of time."

"It will. But even though we will always miss Aslan, and Narnia, it will get easier. It doesn't feel like it right now. But I believe it will."

"You're right. I mean, just look at Peter and Susan. They're doing much better now than they were when we left Narnia last time."

"Yeah they are." Edmund replied.

The siblings sat in silence for a few minutes, but the silence just made Lucy think about the moment she said goodbye to Aslan. When she did, she started crying all over again.

Edmund noticed this and wiped her tears away with his thumb. "What is it?"

Lucy smiled sadly when Edmund wiped her tears away. She sniffed as he put his arm around her, pulling her close and kissing the top of her head.

"I was just thinking about when I had to say....say goodbye to Aslan." She began crying harder once she said this.

Edmund squeezed Lucy harder when she began crying again, it broke his heart to see her so sad. But he felt the same way, she was just more emotional than him. "That was so difficult." Edmund said, now thinking about when he had told the Great Lion goodbye.

"It was...the most difficult thing I've ever had to do." Lucy cried. "I just wanted something to happen, so that we wouldn't have to leave. I knew deep down it's what we we're supposed to do, but it was just so hard! Every time I start feeling at home in Narnia, and I'm happy and the land is filled with peace and the people are safe, I'm finally ready to stay and let it be my home forever; we have to leave. And it does not get easier it only gets harder. This time was the most difficult of all. Walking away from Aslan after that hug, took all of my strength. And looking back at him from the ocean...all I wanted to do was run towards him and hug him and never let go. And when the waves closed and I couldn't see him anymore, it was like a knife to my heart. I had no idea when or if I would ever see his face again, and it killed me. I just, can't imagine going through anything harder, or more painful than that. I never want to go through it again, but I also want nothing more than to go back home and see him again. Saying goodbye to Aslan was the most painful and difficult thing I have ever done. And it took every bit of strength in me to actually do it. But if I could just have five more minutes with him, to hug him and tell him I love him, and how much I miss him...I would go through that pain all over again if I could just see Aslan one last time."

Lucy was full on sobbing now, and Edmund just hugged her tightly and kissed the top of her head. "He knows you love him, Lu." Edmund said, gently stroking her hair. "Trust me, he knows."

"I- I hope y-you're right." Lucy barely choked out, forcing her tears back as she tried to stop crying.

"Lucy." Edmund said, and she looked up at him with big, bright blue eyes, that were filled with tears. "Let it all out." Edmund said. "Just cry as much as you need to, you'll feel better. And I promise I won't leave you."

Lucy stared up at him for a moment, before tears once again leaked from her lids, and she let them. She wrapped her arms around Edmund's neck, and cried into his chest. She just cried and cried and cried. Thousands of emotions ran through her as she did, and they all ran out through her tears.

Edmund's heart broke as watched his sister cry. It destroyed him to see her so heartbroken. He only wished he could do more to help her. But he knew that he was doing everything he could, by sitting with her and listening to her. And when Edmund needed it, Lucy would do the same for him. He knew they would only be able to make it through this with each other.

Lucy cried for about 3 hours, and Edmund sat there comforting her the entire time. Eventually, she cried herself to sleep.

Edmund gently lay Lucy down, when he heard her even breathing, her sobs had stopped a few minutes ago, but he wanted to make sure she was completely asleep before he moved her. He didn't want to risk her waking up, at least she wasn't sad when she was sleeping.

Tears glistened on Lucy's cheeks when Edmund laid her head on the pillow. He gently wiped them away with his thumb, before kissing her cheek.

He smiled a little at how young and innocent she looked as she slept, almost like a porcelain doll. Edmund placed a hand on her head, and a gentle arm around her waist. At her brother's touch, Lucy rolled over and curled up next to him, she buried her face in his chest.

Edmund's laughed quietly when Lucy did this, before he turned out the light. He laid down beside his sister, wrapping his arms tightly around her, and Lucy snuggled up closer to him.

"Night Lucy." Edmund whispered, before kissing her forehead gently. "Love you."

❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀❀
A/N: So if any of y'all follow me on Instagram, you probably noticed that I met up with two of my internet best friends about a month ago. MagicofNarnia  & valiantlucy ❤️🥰 I had the best time of my LIFE while I was with them! But when I had to leave, it was beyond difficult. I cried for hours and hours and hours, which says a lot because I never cry.

So I was thinking a lot about the Pevensies leaving Narnia, and it BAFFLED me that they weren't all full on sobbing,  knowing they would never go back. And with how difficult it was for me, I realized it must have been 100000 times more difficult for them. So they must have cried and been sad about it for a long time after.

I got this idea this morning and wrote it IMMEDIATELY because I haven't had much inspiration lately 😂So this is all based on the true story of me saying goodbye to Nina & Lucy, and these are all the emotions I felt. Hope y'all liked it☺️