Jily Oneshots (pt2)

Betrayed, Devastated, Heartbroken, Inconsolable, and Woeful

by ReaderMagnifique
sequel to <Caution: Wet Floor>

James: is that my shirt you're wearing?

Lily: Don't know what you're talking about.

James: it looks like my shirt

Lily: It doesn't look like any of your shirts

James: it says sleekeazy on it

it's the pink one from the 2017 trade show

Lily: How can you tell what it says?

I'm wearing a cardigan

for all you know it says Speakeasy, and is actually a gentle mauve.

James: It does not say Speakeasy.

Lily: It might.

James: lily, i'm pretty sure it's my shirt

Lily: Well if you're only pretty sure that's not completely sure.

That's approximately 80% sure.

On the sureness scale.

James: i'm going to shelve my curiosity of the sureness scale for now because that's my shirt i am certain!

Lily: Which are we using, the Sureness Scale or the Certainty Gage?

James: there's a difference?

Lily: The same way there's a difference between Sirius' reading tastes and Peter's.

James: you're exaggerating wildly and i feel like this is theft

of my personality

copywrite infringement

Lily: You can't copywrite exaggeration, James.

James: not exaggeration

that would be excessive

not to mention upsetting to the larger exaggeration community

but wild exaggeration?

that's me.

Lily: So what's your plan of action against my sister?

Wild Exaggeration is her favourite pastime.

James: pastime?

please

wild exaggeration isn't a pastime

it's a way of life.

also i'll probably sue her

just for fun

you'll be my lawyer, right?

Lily: That's a conflict of interest

But alright

Destroying my sister in a court of law could be fun

James: only if there's nothing good on telly.

Lily: I'd just sneak onto your Netflix, it would be less effort.

James: I thought you were in a feud with Netflix?

Lily: I am.

I am betrayed, devastated, heartbroken, inconsolable, and woeful.

James: wow

wild exaggeration in alphabetical order

I don't know whether to feel betrayed, devastated, heartbroken, inconsolable, and woeful

or even more wildly attracted to you

Lily: They stole my beautiful counterpart from me

And I will not renew my Netflix until they return what is mine by rights.

James: but jumping on to mine is okay, yeah?

Lily: Do you mind?

James: not at all but i felt that i had to put in the token argument

for propriety's sake

Lily: James

I hate to break it to you

But we've been together for seven months

We broke propriety with a spade a while ago.

Gave it a big clonk on the head.

James: how awful for propriety

Lily: You know, I came to the library to get some work done.

But it's just not happening while we're both here texting.

What say you to going home and rubbing some salt in propriety's wounds?

James: Would this salt/wound endeavour involve me getting my shirt back at any point?

Lily: No.

James: wow

am betrayed, devastated, heartbroken, inconsolable, and woeful

Lily: I notice you're not saying no despite your wild exaggeration.

James: don't be silly

i've already got my coat on