Jily Oneshots (pt2)

(you are the moon) pulling tides over me.

by lilevans on archiveofourown.org

your heart weighs down on my shoulders

and your wide eyes lose me at sea

your words make a fire and smoulder

you are the moon pulling tides over me.

- deep the water by lewis watson.

Sometimes, he thinks that loving Lily is like repeatedly letting the ocean fill his lungs. Like she’s this impossible puzzle and he thinks he’s never going to get it right. Like now, for instance.

She’s glaring him through her eyeliner and her bright eyes, terrifying, beautiful, and incredibly stubborn. She won’t budge from this. He knows that, and he’s fucked.

“Lil, come on.”

She narrows her eyes at him further, arms crossed, combat boots planted firmly on the dirt ground beneath her. “No.”

Something beneath her skin softens for a split second as she shifts her weight. Because sometimes, she thinks that loving James is like going against the tide and the currents and every piece of rhyme or reason. And right now, she’s going against rhyme and reason and logic and every molecule of her body telling her to run back to him.

“I can’t keep doing this, Jim.”

She nearly breaks when she says his nickname. Her lip trembles. But her glare and her firm stance on the ground stay put.

James shifts again in disbelief, taking a step closer to her again. She doesn’t move.

“What?” he says, his words quiet, scared, reckless.

As he moves forward again, she steps back.

“We’re going in circles. How many more times are we going to have this argument? We’ll argue about what we want and how we want completely different things when we finish school! You want to play soccer and I want to solve crimes and we’ll end up arguing about it and kick and scream…”

“But we’re always fine, Lil! We always fix it.”

She scoffs. “And then we break it! We’re fine, we’ll lay in bed in the sun for days, we’ll joke around with the boys like nothing happened and I love nothing more than those moments with you. Then it happens again. We fight again, we end up here, and we go around and around and around. When will it end?”

“When you decide that you don’t love me anymore, Lil! Cuz we both know you’ll stop loving me before I stop loving you.”

Something within her snaps. Instead of stepping back, she steps forward in anger. “Fucking what?”

He gulps, gasping for air. The ocean is filling up his lungs again. He is running out of time.

“Lil. We’ve always known that I’ve loved you more than you love me.”

“That’s such fucking bullshit!” She screams. Right now, it felt like she was ready to give up on going against rhyme and reason. For real.

“Really? Is it?” he spits. He’s just as angry as she is now, his automatic defence against heartbreak.

“Of bloody course it is! Do you think I didn’t love you even when you blew up my toaster? When you took me out for that expensive dinner and Sirius had taken all your cash so I had to pay for the whole thing? Do you think I minded? No, because I love you! Do you think I care that you’re late for everything and wear mismatched socks and taste like cigarettes? I love all of that about you, and I would give up breathing tomorrow if you asked me too.”