Jily Oneshots (pt2)

I hate how much I love you

by PetalsToFish on archiveofourown.org

"I hate you."

Lily says it right after he almost ran them into a tree on purpose, just to get a rise out of her. She'd screamed so loud in his ear as they raced towards the tree that his eardrum was still ringing. James doesn't mind at all though because she was closer to him now, even more than she'd been when she first mounted his broom on a dare.

"I hate you so much."

But her arms are around his waist and her laughter is giving away her unmistakable high from the adrenaline rush. James laughs at the irony of her empty words as he finishes the final loop around the grounds on his broom. Lily told him that she hated him at least five times a day, it was nothing new, she never meant it. He looks for another way to make her hold on tighter as their feet skim the frigid lake waters. The wind cuts between them but he can still feel her laughing as he makes another sharp turn into the winding towers of Hogwarts castle.

She doesn't ever stop laughing, not while around him.

She's laughing in the corridors, giggling in class, and is in stitches at the dinner table. Her laughter sounds a bit like a hyena when she really gets going, but James can't help and find the high-pitched bursts of laughter absolutely charming. She's so full of energy all the time, a literal form of pepper-up potion because she makes everyone feel better, especially James.

He thinks he fancies her.

Again.

The last time he'd fancied her, he made the mistake of telling Lily at a really inconvenient time. She didn't speak to him for weeks after the incident. In fact, the only reason she began speaking to him again at all was because he apologized for asking her out. He didn't want to ruin what they'd gotten back just because he couldn't get over a stupid schoolboy crush.

They were friends, good friends. Lily often picked him in class as a partner now a days and he was always sitting next to her at lunch during the week. James didn't want to lose Lily to a stupid hormone induced fever dream where she actually likes him back…so he just repressed his feelings.

She didn't need to know that he always looked for an excuse to touch her wrist or smell her hair. Lily probably wouldn't find it very endearing that James only pretended to not get potions, so he could watch her get all cute and flustered over unorganized ingredient lists. Even now, with her sitting across from him, he is leaning forward in his chair so that his knees are brushing hers under the table. She is sketching with a quill and he is focused on homework but also so very aware of her.

"I like you, you know."

She says it so casually, so offhandedly, that James almost thinks she's talking to someone else. She couldn't have been talking to anyone else though. It was just James and Lily sitting in the common room after curfew. James was reading his potions notes and Lily was across the table from him, drawing out the prefect schedule for the Head Girl.

"What?"

"I like you." she is all smiles, "I know I say I hate you all the time, but I don't."

James fidgets with his parchment of notes, his eyes lowering to the bottom corner where he'd sketched her side profile without her knowing. His eyes shoot back up and he notes that her eyes are searching his face worriedly because he didn't answer her. He realizes she's worried that she's offended him somehow, even thought she could never.

"Of course, I know you're joking." he said calmly, "we're mates. I tell Sirius I hate him every other day. I get it."

"Good."