My Life in the Spotlight (5SOS/One Direction Fan Fic) #Wattys2017

Promise

Today was James's funeral and Niall and I had decided to do a closed coffin. We didn't want to cry anymore than we already were. The person at the morgue had told us that James was a perfectly healthy baby and that again she didn't know why babies just died like that. We had just nodded our heads and asked if we could see him again before they sent him to the funeral home. She had nodded her head and left us alone.
"James baby mommy misses you so much. I will never forget you. I love you so much." I picked him up and kissed his forehead before handing him to Niall who had a similar speech to say to him. I could tell Niall was trying to be strong, but he had some tears in his eyes. We told the lady at the morgue that we were ready to let him go. She took him from Niall's arms as I side hugged Niall still crying.
"Baby are you okay?" I was jostled from my memories as Niall was looking at me.
"Yes I'm good."
"Are you ready?"
"Yes I am." Niall took my hand and we walked towards my babies casket and put our roses on top of it. Then we stepped back and let our friends and families do the same. It was finally over and all Niall and I could do was stand there.
"I'm so sorry guys."
"Thanks Louis and thank you for coming."
"Of course mate. I understand how hard it is to lose your son." Niall just nodded his head as I buried my tear stained face into his suit.
"I'm sorry Isabella, Niall."
"Thank you Eleanor. It means a lot to us that you both came."
"Of course she's my best friend and Louis's yours." Again he nodded and now Liam and Sophia came up to us and offered there condolences. This is how it went until the last person said them. I couldn't even talk or look at anybody without bursting into tears. Harry had brought Sarah and they were happily married and expecting their first child. I was happy for them, but on the inside I was depressed. I still had Bindi, but how was I going to explain to her when she got older that she had a twin, but he had died. I guess when that time came I would tell her the whole story. Niall and I walked back to the car and when I got in I just tried to put on a happy face for Niall who throughout the whole funeral didn't shed one tear. He got into the car and started to drive back to the flat. I just looked out the window for the whole drive.
Once we got back I got out and went into the elevator. I held the open door for Niall and then closed the elevator. We rode it back up in silence. Once we entered the apartment I heard Niall talking to the nanny. I just went into our bedroom, took off my dress and heels, put some sweats on, got under the covers and cried some more. I heard the door open and close. Then the bed dipped down.
"Babe are you really okay?" I couldn't say anything to him.
"Izzy please talk to me." Still nothing.
"I'm going back on tour in two days. I'm sorry that I have to leave you." Still nothing.
"I told the nanny that she was to stay on still and take care of Bindi." Bindi my sweet daughter. As I was thinking this I had the urge to vomit. I quickly jumped out of bed and ran to the toilet where I emptied my stomach.
"Are you okay?"
"Niall I think I'm pregnant."
"Oh my god. I'll go and get you a test." With that Niall was running out of the bathroom, the flat door closed and he was probably running all the way to the pharmacy. I just sat on the bathroom floor in fetal position.
He arrived back with the test that I took from him and peed on it. We waited the three minutes for the plus sign to come up. I looked up at Niall and saw he had the biggest smile on his face while I still looked as sad as ever.
"Is we are going to have a baby!"
"Niall we just lost our son! How can you say that to me?"
"It's true though. You have another child growing inside you. We should be happy to have this one."
"What if I'm not?"
"Look I know your sad Isabella, but please for the sake of this baby do whatever you have to do. I don't want to have to ask the girls to watch you."
"I will Niall. This baby isn't going to take the place of the one we lost by a long shot."
"I know, but we will still love it as much as we loved this last one."
"Niall I need some time alone please." he nodded his head and left the bathroom. I went into the bedroom and climbed into the bed and cuddled my dogs. That's how it was until Niall came into the bedroom two days later telling me he had to go back on tour and that he hoped I ate and took care of myself. I just stared at the wall not daring to look at Niall. He took my silence as an okay and left the bedroom. Once I heard the flat door close I got up to go and see Bindi. She was such a happy baby in her crib. She lifted her arms up and so I picked her up and cuddled her into my chest. I brought her back into the bedroom and put her down next to me.
"Bindi mommy loves you so much. I hope I never lose you either." I kissed her forehead and lay back down. I made a promise to myself that night that I was going to be the best mother to my children as I could. I wouldn't let anything happen to them and I would be their protector.

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