Under The Influence: N 2 Deep

37. Downhill

Shawnie's POV

I watched Joe head upstairs and I just sat there smoking. I know I probably shouldn't but I've really been avoiding the urge to call Chris for a while now and now that I have a little privacy I think I should call.

I pull my phone out and touch his contact.

"What's up, baby?" He answers.

I laugh. "I'm sure Jasmine will have a problem with you answering the phone like that when I call."

"She'll get over it. What's up? Oh! Diamond had the baby."

"She did? What did you guys name her?"

"Love." He says and I smile.

"That's a pretty name. I've always liked that name for a little girl. It's cute! Congratulations!" I say

"Thank you. So what's up?" He asks

"Nothing, I just wanted to hear your voice." I say

"Baby, what's going on? You want me to make my trip a little bit sooner than intended? If I can move some shit around tomorrow I can try to be there tomorrow night."

"No. I know you have a lot going on and I don't wanna interrupt that. I am just having a little bit of a mental breakdown."

"Tell me about it." He says

"I'm actively trying to separate myself from Aubrey and he won't let me."

"You just keep doing what you feel you need to do. If that is to get a divorce from him, then you do it. You should know by now that you are always going to be taken care of. I just mean that you're always going to have support in anything that you do and I'm always gonna have your back. If you don't feel like you're strong enough to take this shit on right now then let me know and I will try to make shit better for you."

"I just want him to stop making things so hard on me. He comes here and then he mindfucks me and I'm left feeling like this." I admit

"Don't let the motherfucker in." He says

"Chris, it's easier said than done. How can I not let my husband in? That doesn't even make sense to me." I say

"Your husband that you want to divorce. Don't worry about it, I'll talk to Joe about it." He says

"It's not Joe's fault. All Joe is doing is listening to what I'm telling him to do. He asked if I wanted him to kick him out and I told him no." I say

"You know, that's always been a thing with you. I don't know what type of mind control he has over you but that shit is what got you into this from the beginning. You do every little thing that he tells you to do and I just don't understand it."

"He doesn't have any mind control over me, it's just that we have an understanding and if he says something I simply feel like I should listen. The same goes for him. So many people talk so much shit about us because of how we are with each other but it's just how we are."

"I'm confused. You're defending the situation but you're complaining about it at the same time. Do you want to be with him or not?" He says

"I don't. All I was doing was calling you because I wanted to vent. I was feeling a little uneasy. I'm sorry I bothered you." I'm starting to get frustrated because he's taking what I'm saying the wrong way.

"It's not that you're bothering me, I'm just trying to grasp the situation. If you want to be with him, then be with him. Do whatever you feel is going to make you happy. If that's being alone or being with him, make that decision and stick with it. I'm sorry but I gotta cut this short. I gotta get back to the shoot. I'm shooting the video to your favorite song."