Under The Influence: N 2 Deep

56. On BS

Shawnie POV

I had just put both of the kids down for the night and I was sitting outside on the patio smoking. Joe came outside and sat at the table across from me. He came in from his run and went to shower and now he's here. We kinda needed to talk about what happened earlier. The day went on as if it didn't happen. Everything was normal and not awkward but we just needed to have a conversation about it and I think he knows that and that's why he's out here now.

"Car was delivered."

"Oh cool! I know you can't wait to drive it." I say. "I'll get the title transferred into your name as soon as possible."

"Are you sure you want to give it to me? I thought once it got here you would change your mind."

"Nope. I would love for you to have it. You would appreciate it so much more than I would." I say

"Wow. Thank you." He says. "What did Trey want?" He asks

"He wanted me to fill him in on what happened on the trip."

"Meaning me and Chris?" He says

"That was part of it."

"Figures." He says

"I told him that's between y'all. He thinks it has something to do with some personal shit. I told him no."

"What's wrong is wrong." He says and I agree.

"But everyone thinks something is going on between us."

He laughs.

"Yeah, about that." He says

Not gonna say, I didn't wanna have this conversation but I guess I'm not ready for it yet. It can make things awkward.

"Okay, so..." he says. "I wanted to talk about what happened earlier."

"It's okay. I wasn't mad or anything like that. I don't want you to think that. And when I made the comment not to let it happen again, I wasn't serious—I mean, I was serious—but not like, super serious..." I pause for a second to think about what I'm trying to say. "It shouldn't happen again—I mean...I wasn't trying to be mean when I said it and I wasn't trying to discipline you or anything...."

"No, I know. I'm a little upset with myself for doing it. Even though you're fine that it happened, it was very unprofessional on my part and I wanted to apologize if I put you in an awkward position. You're married and you're going through all of this emotional stuff and I hate to see you like that. I don't want you to think that I'm using your vulnerability against you. That isn't an excuse for me kissing you but things just happened and that just happened. I'm sorry."

"It's totally fine. You're right, I'm very vulnerable right now and I feel like I'm not making a lot of the right decisions. I kissed you back because I wanted to. I wanted to feel something other than hurt or anger... And I'm sorry I did that."

"You were rebelling. It's all good." He smiles

"So we're good?" I ask

"Yes." He says

"Okay, good. I didn't want things to get awkward between us."

"Well, that happened this morning and we've been cool all day, pretty stupid for things to get awkward now." We both laugh.

"True."

"Anything happen with Drake?" He asks

"No. He was so pissed off that I left those papers for him."

"I'm sure he's gonna pop up sometime soon. If he can't get to you through the phone, the only other option is to show up."

"I know but I really thought that he would be able to maturely handle this situation. If he loves me as much as he says he does, he should just give me what I want. I want to be divorced." I say