Damaged

Sciamachy pt II 🌙

Chapter 52: Sciamachy pt II
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Sciamachy (n)  a battle against imaginary enemies;fighting your shadow
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A little too much- Shawn Mendes

Aspen's POV:

I no longer wanted to be here. If I'm going to suffer every moment of my waking life, I might as well die.

By the time I had something to smile about, my memories had to come back to haunt and mock me.

Will the pain ever end for me?
begin breathing
start living?
Be content?
Be happy?
Free?

I can't take this anymore...

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I blinked my eyes open to see that Ares was nowhere to be found and that I was in our bedroom. I moaned as I walked to the restroom. As I fiddled with the settings, the shower head activated and a spray of water hit my body, alleviating my muscles' tightness. I scrub the stress away with my citrus scented shampoo and body wash. I dried off after turning the shower off and left.

Since I've been here, I haven't really looked at myself in the mirror. My kinky jet black hair has lost its sheen and bounce, and my smokey grey eyes seem lifeless. I look to be nothing like me. Perhaps that is what I have resolved to do.

Even though I didn't want to cook, my stomach was growling, so I went down to the kitchen. I poured a glass of orange juice and prepared some spicy Raman noodles while sighing. I consumed as much food as I could. The castle's hollowness created an unnerving silence, with just my breathing and my feet audible.

I want to get away.

I'm not even sure I'm still alive. because I'm no longer sure of my feelings. I wouldn't know if I was numb. I am aware of how much Ares and my family mean to me, but what good is it all if I fail? What would be the sense of being alive if I didn't die if they did?If I don't have anything to live for, what would the point of being alive be?

The result that keeps repeating in my thoughts is that. And I'm to blame.

As my eyes begin to shut and my body sags to the ground, I can see the agony on his face. Mom's cries could be heard. the grandmother's somber sighs. My grandfather's agonizing roar was audible. All because of me, the Reign dynasty collapsed.

A curse.

My confines' four matte-gray walls started to whirl. I screamed for it to stop as tears started to well up. My head felt like it was crushing itself, and I shouted.

My heart was beating as quickly as light. My chest tightens.

Please. Please stop.

My body is battling me. I pulled myself into the bathroom and hurriedly looked for it while turning on the water in the bathtub. At the exact moment the bath was filled enough, I had it in my grasp. My body was still at war when I entered, and I immediately began to panic.

I forced myself to stay in the bath until the water was almost up to my face. I slashed my arm while raising it. Two. Three, Four, and Five