"Would You Love Me Now?" A RJ Mpreg AU

I still got the Converse that I wore the day we met

A/N: Really sad chapter with rini. Depression spiral.

- Ricky is exactly two months along = 8 weeks. Sorry for all the time skips/ I don't want this story to be slow.

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Ricky's POV:

It's been two months since I got pregnant. And about two or maybe it was three weeks since EJ and last talked?  Maybe more than that.

I swear I'm not counting. Okay, maybe I am and my counting is off.

My brain is all messed up from stress.

I went to the doctor again this morning.

For a check up and because I had so many questions for him and didn't want to ask Google.

He squeezed me in last minute and answered most of my questions.

My obstetrician, Dr. Mason recommended to me that I find a therapist or psychiatrist before the baby is born but I didn't tell him that I don't have the money or insurance for it.

I'm also in denial of needing help.

After he answered my questions about cravings, mood swings, gestation, and other health stuff, he asked me about my birth plan and the father.

I walked out of his office with my hoodie hood up and my sleeves down.

It wasn't even that cold, I just didn't want anyone especially paparazzi to see me crying.

I don't have a birth plan or any idea if EJ wants to be a father.

I just ruined his career by shoving my penis into his and now I'm pregnant.

I'm a stupid pregnant failure and not even my mom wants me in her life.

EJ hasn't called me and I'm giving him space like Nini said to.

Big Red asked me if I wanted to go shopping for new clothes yesterday because he noticed that I was gaining weight and I canceled this morning an hour before we were supposed to go to the mall.

My depressive episodes are coming back but I don't want to think about that.

Nini is just going to make me see someone who is going to think I'm fat and not pregnant.

And for the last two hours, I've been on Instagram scrolling through the A Billion Sorrys TV Instagram account looking at Anastasia.

EJ's ex who is now an actress and not a law office secretary, pining on him.

My boyfriend.

No wonder why he won't talk to me.

I bet he changed his mind about his sexuality and is having straight sex with her.

And I may or may not have had one tiny glass of champagne for breakfast.

I don't know if it hurt the baby but I needed the feeling of drinking in my stumach and wasn't going to drink White Claw.

And NO I don't have a plan for the pregnancy, people need to stop asking me that.

"Ricky, what are you doing in your closet? You love those hoodies and Converse. Ricky, please stop throwing things for a moment. RICHARD TAYLOR BOWEN PLEASE STOP."  I feel someone tug on the extra large hoodie I'm wearing that is EJs old red one from his stupid Red Rubbers commercials merch line and throwing my Converse onto my bedroom carpet.

The merch is insane and I didn't know that condom companies made merch but EJ gave it to me as a gag joke after he shot the commercial.

I love the hoodie.