Dreaming Of You - Jenna Ortega imagines

But I want to love a boy the way I love the ocean - jo

In which you don't know if you can love

Listen to: To Love a Boy - Maya Hawke

"Are you serious you're fine with being single on Valentines?" Nailea asked as you both sat down at a table. You side-eyed her, shifting in your seat uncomfortably.

The two of you had gone through a breakup, different times of course, but it was pretty horrendous for both of you. You've managed to somewhat move on, but your life feels a little... Let's say duller. You've tried to get back into the dating world, but it's never really worked out for you, so you've tried your best not to force yourself into it when you weren't ready.

Truth is, you were in love with your best friend. No, not Nailea, but Jenna. You've known for a while now, which was the ending of your last relationship. You loved your ex, yes, but you didn't love her the same way you loved Jenna. Eventually she couldn't take it and you guys broke it off.

You've managed to heal from that relationship, and you've grown, but like aforementioned, you were never ready for a relationship and it never worked out. You stopped manifesting for some random girl to come into your life, to sweep you away like Jenna did. There's this small part of you that isn't even sure you could move on from Jenna.

"Uh..." You trailed off, awkwardly. You never told Nailea, or anyone, about how you were in love with Jenna. "That was- um, okay." 

She put a hand on your shoulder when she realized how that sounded. "Oh my god, no I'm so sorry. I'm just wondering, because you were the one who was always going on and on about getting girls and stuff, and you haven't dated anyone since you know..." 

"No, it's alright." You reassured, ignoring the little pang in your stomach. "I just- I don't know, I try not to give it much thought, you know?"

"Are you sure?"

You nodded. "It's fine, I'm serious. I never really liked Valentines." You started to zone off while Nailea kept on talking, presumably about her ex and how much she hates him, while you actually thought about it.

It was true when she said that you haven't actually dated anyone since, and it's been almost a year. Which was crazy to think about, in your opinion. You realized that in order for yourself to heal, you can't force yourself to have feelings or constantly think about relationships. And it worked. Slightly.

You realized that, it's been so long, and you don't remember what it feels like to be appreciated by people, where people actually enjoyed your presence. You no longer remember what it feels like to have someone want you romantically, to chase after you, to go the nine yards. And no matter how hard you tried to make it seem like it wasn't upsetting, it kind of was. 

Of course, you had Jenna, but you were practically sure that it was all only platonic. She wouldn't love you the way that you wanted her to love you. You told yourself this over and over again, every single time that you got your stupid little hopes up.

"Hey guys," Jenna greeted, sitting down beside you. Speak of the devil. Nailea gave her a small 'hi' with a wave.

You turned to the girl. "Hey," You smiled, your heart starting to beat faster. "I kinda zoned off of what Nai was saying, but I do remember talking about Valentines. Do you have any plans?"

"No..." She paused, as if she were going over her own schedule in her head. "Do you?" You felt your heart skip a beat, but you convinced yourself that she was just asking out of kindness.

"Nah, you know that. Fuck Valentines." You half-smirked. You realized that you should ask Nailea too. "What about you, Nai?"

Her eyebrows knitted together in confusion. "I don't, I was just talking about that."