𝑺𝒉𝒂𝒓𝒅𝒔

𝚃𝙷𝙸𝚁𝚃𝚈-𝚃𝙷𝚁𝙴𝙴

Good evening, Fam.

I am so sorry updates have not been coming as it used to. My schedule got tighter and I am still trying to adjust with the whole thing. But don't worry, I am sure I will be able to manoeuvre it properly very soon. So, in the meantime, try to bear with me.🖤

So, shall we?🌚

The song for this chapter- Umbrella by Ember Island.

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"𝐴𝑛𝑑 𝑡ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝑠𝑢𝑑𝑑𝑒𝑛𝑙𝑦,
𝑆ℎ𝑒 𝑡𝑢𝑟𝑛𝑒𝑑 ℎ𝑒𝑟
𝑒𝑚𝑜𝑡𝑖𝑜𝑛𝑠 𝑜𝑓𝑓.

________________𖧷_______________

          
         ~𝚂𝙷𝙰𝙺𝙸𝚁𝙰 𝙽𝙸𝙽𝙸𝙾𝙻𝙰 𝙼𝙰𝙻𝙸𝙺~

It took me a while but I finally realised that it had become a cycle, somewhat toxic. I was poison. I wasn't a friend. I was never her friend because real friends don't take away too much from their friends without giving anything in return. They do not suck every ounce of happiness that was in their friend's life, leaving them empty. She had waltzed into my life when I least expected it, during my darkest moments. She brought that light with her. 

A beautiful bright light that had done nothing but brighten up my life in ways I could never imagine was possible. A light I had grown to need so much. A light I felt lost without. I would only be lying to myself if I said she hadn't rubbed off on me. She did it excessively. I never craved real friendship until I met her. She was ready to give her all to see me happy. She was ready to stick by me through thick and thin, without asking for anything in return but all I have ever done was shut her out.

Chizaram deserved better.

She deserves a better friend and in truth, that friend wasn't me. I wasn't worthy of her friendship. I wasn't even worthy to be an acquaintance to her, let alone her best friend. A role I have been failing miserably at. I didn't even understand how she has been able to stick with someone like me. Heck, I would be tired of myself too. I have hurt her countless times and every time, I promised her that I was going to do better. But then, it wouldn't be long until my demons came knocking and I found myself breaking that promise.

It had become a cycle. A cycle that she needed to break because if she stuck with me, it wouldn't be long until the light that surrounds her went dim.

I wanted to let her go but I couldn't bring myself to. I knew I was bad for her but I couldn't let her go. Yes, I was that selfish but she was still one of the very few people that was managing to keep me sane. I had gone twenty-four hours without being in contact with my best friend and I swear, I wanted to lose it because I couldn't stomach the thought of her being mad at me. If anyone had been blowing up my phone with texts and calls the way I had been blowing up her phone, that person would never hear the end of it.