"𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐬𝐡𝐚𝐭𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠 𝐨𝐟 𝐚 𝐛𝐫𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐧 𝐡𝐞𝐚𝐫𝐭 𝐢𝐬 𝐭𝐡𝐞 𝐥𝐨𝐮𝐝𝐞𝐬𝐭 𝐪𝐮𝐢𝐞𝐭 𝐞𝐯𝐞𝐫..." 𝐂𝐚𝐫𝐫𝐨𝐥𝐥 𝐁𝐫𝐲𝐚𝐧𝐭
He was the only thing holding her together, preventing her from falling apart. He was the only thing that mad...
If there was anything my intentional isolation had done to me, it rendered me a loony and paranoid mess.
My mind was racing as I shoved the paper bags into the backseat of my car. My eyes occasionally flitted from the remaining bags in the cart, to the sparse parking lot of the Grocery store. I couldn't help this burning feeling that consumed me, making me feel as though someone was out to get me.
Grabbing the last one and stashing it into the car, I slammed the door shut and quickly got into the car. My eyes screwed shut and I puffed out some breath in utmost relief. Being stuck in the confines of my car didn't completely dispel my angst, but it was something.
I desperately hoped that I didn't miss anything on the list because my paranoia wouldn't stop getting the better of me. On one hand, there was this strong conviction that he was liable to spring out of anywhere in the store to confront me and the thought of that happening made me feel like I couldn't breathe.
And on the other hand, it was beginning to feel like my mind was playing tricks on me. I couldn't put it past it because it had been more of a weapon fashioned against me these days, than something I had actual control over.
Maybe coming out was a bad idea because I would be the world's biggest clown if I said I felt safe. I didn't and it was exhausting.
As I turned on the ignition, the rearview mirror that looked out of place showed me my reflection in 3D. The veil that was draped over my face before I left home earlier felt like it was pushed off my face. It allowed me to see past the layers of my morning skincare routine, the geeky glasses I had thrown on my face to conceal those stubborn eyebags and the long curly weave that was sitting pretty atop my head.
It was all a fucking lie and it was so obvious. I just allowed myself to be blind to it. It wouldn't even take a normal person to squint much and deduce that something was wrong with me. It made me scoff that I had been prancing around that store today, oblivious to people's lingering looks that conveyed their thoughts about me being insane.
