My Everything In His Past (2nd Book of 'In His Past' Series)

Epilogue

"Can . . . Can I at least have a last dance with my wife?" nanginginig na tanong ni Yohan sa Diyos ng Kamatayan. His grip on Apple Pie's arms tightened as if that would stop the God of Death from taking his wife's soul away from him. Handa siyang makipaglaban dito ngunit pasalamat na lamang at tumango ito at sumang-ayon sa hiling niya. His gaze went back to his wife who was trying her best to keep her eyes open. She looked up at him and smiled innocently despite the clear pain she was feeling. 

Putang-ina!

He bit his lower lip and tried to calm himself down before finally guiding his wife towards the open field, just next to the altar that they set up. The sky was already painted orange, making him remember that his time with Apple Pie was going to end soon.

He cleared his throat in an attempt to stop his tears before extending his hand toward his wife. "Binibini, maaari ba kitang maisayaw?" Nanginginig ang kaniyang mga kamay dahil sa pighati.

Apple Pie's eyes kept on fluttering close but she still smiled and held his hand, comforting him. "Isang karangalan na maisayaw mo sa huling pagkakataon, ginoo."

He smiled as they bow to each other, remembering the memories that they had when they were young and madly in love with each other. Matapos iyon ay maingat niyang nilapit ang katawan ni Apple Pie sa kaniya at mabagal itong sinayaw. He was hugging her, her entire body almost dependent on his strength. 

They stayed in that position for a long time, relishing the presence of one another, knowing full well that after this day they will no longer have this kind of chance. Paulit-ulit niyang hinalikan ang tuktok ng ulo nito habang mapagmahal na sinusuklay ang mahaba nitong buhok. Finally, after a few minutes, he initiated a conversation between them. 

"Langga . . ."

"You should find another wife after I'm gone." Hindi pa man siya natatapos sa sasabihin ay kaagad siyang pinutol ni Apple Pie. Hindi naman siya makapaniwala sa sinabi nito at kaagad na pinakita ang kaniyang pagprotesta.

"Langga, I can't do that!"

"You should and you will," mariin nitong ika kahit pa man pagod na pagod na ito. "You better do that. Hindi mo deserve na magdusa panghabang-buhay para lang sa akin. Bata ka pa Yohan, marami ka pang bagay na matutuklasan, mga taong makikilala . . . pagmamahal na mararamdaman. Don't hold back your life for someone like me. You don't deserve that."

Napahinto sila sa pagsayaw dahil sa sinabi nito at kaagad niyang hinawakan ang magkabilaang pisngi nito upang iharap sa kaniya. "I. Will. Always. Choose. You." Ang kaninang pinipigilang luha ay kaagad na nagsihulugan mula sa mga mata ng babae dahil sa sinabi niya. Nakita niya ang pagkagat nito sa ibabang labi na para bang nais pang pigilan ang luha ngunit huli na ang lahat. "Iginuhit mo ang ating mga ala-ala sa aking isipan na hinding-hindi ko na mabura at pinintahan mo ng kulay ang aking puso na hinding-hindi ko na mapalitan. We're two fucked-up, damaged people, trying to heal each other and I call it love. I wasn't even looking for you when I found you. You just appeared in my life and made a mess out of it. Funny thing is that I don't even care. I didn't care when you made me helpless. I didn't care when you made my head almost explode because of your antiques. I didn't care because at the end of the day, I just find myself smiling."

"Yohan . . ."

"I found happiness . . . I found you. Despite this fucked-up life that I grew up with . . . I still found you. So please stop saying that . . . Just please stop dahil hindi ka madaling palitan. Please lang . . ." Unti-unti na rin niyang nararamdaman ang kaniyang mga mata na nagtutubig. 

Why would she think that he could find someone that easy? If heaven permit, he would find her in every lifetime until they find the life where they would be free to love each other.

Narinig niya ang pagsinghot ni Apple Pie bago ito nagsalita, ang mga luha sa kaniyang mga mata ay patuloy pa rin sa pagtulo kaya naman pinunasan na niya iyon. "Hindi ko sinasabing madaling gawin iyon, Yohan. All I wanted to say is that you should consider it. Yohan . . . we were almost a story . . . but sadly I cannot be with you until the last page. Maybe I was just one of those characters that were introduced in your life to teach you a valuable lesson. A character to mold you for your "The One". Maybe that's all we'll ever gonna be . . . an incomplete sentence, a half-written story, just a couple of chapters on the story of your life. Finished without an ending. Maybe we were meant to meet, but not to be."

"Langga . . . please . . ."

She cut him off and caressed his cheeks, wet with uncontrollable tears. "Yohan, you will always be my favorite "what if?". What if hindi tayo nagkahiwalay noon? What if lumaban tayo? What if kinasal tayo noon at namuhay ng magkasama, malayo sa ama mo? Will we have kids by now? Ilan kaya? Saan kaya tayo nakatira? Ano kaya career natin? Will you still be a businessman while I have my own restaurant? May sarili na kaya tayong bahay or nangungupahan pa rin tayo? There are so much possibilities but I will never have the chance to find that out. Why? Yohan . . . pagod na pagod na ako. Everyday, I would wake up and feel like I'm in hell. I'm trying to fight, I really am Yohan but I'm so tired. I'm so tired . . ." iyak ni Apple Pie.

There and then, he realized that he had been too selfish. He has been constantly pushing Apple Pie to stay awake and fight the urge of destiny. Ni hindi man lamang niya naisip na napapagod rin ito. 

He swallowed back all the things he wanted to say and choose to pull his wife close to him. Pinatong niya ang ulo nito sa kaniyang dibdib at pinili na lamang itingala ang luhaang mukha. The sky was already turning dark and he could already see the stars but their twinkle was hidden behind the tears that were clouding his vision. "I'm sorry, langga . . . you can rest now. Magpahinga ka na."

He kept on brushing her hair over and over again as if to assure her that it was alright for him. She can let go now. He was even kissing the top of her head but his tears started falling uncontrollably when she felt her strength slowly going away. Ang kaninang bigat nito ay mas dumoble hanggang siya na lamang ang sumusuporta dito.

"I love you," she whispered before he finally felt her last remaining strength disappear. Christina was still breathing but he already knew that Apple Pie's soul was no longer inside the body he was hugging. Maluha-luha siyang lumingon sa direksyon kung nasaan si Sidapa at mas napaiyak nang makitang wala na ito doon. He let out a heartbroken cry while slowly supporting Christina's body to the ground where he kneeled and mourned for his lost love. He let out another heart-wrenching scream, not caring if someone can hear him or if his brothers were watching him. He doesn't care anymore.

He cried and cried until there were no longer tears to cry. The saddest part was that his tears can't drop anymore and he could feel nothing. It's like the world has ended. He can't cry anymore. He can't hear anyone or see anything around him. He just stayed there, holding Christina's body, and he already knew one thing.

His heart has already died.