The unloved heart of Rae Wilson

Chapter 8

Yeah yeah I'll be there thank you. Who was that? The people who have my wife's ashes. Oh you don't have those yet? Nah I asked for a special request and it took them a little longer plus I couldn't bring myself to do it. I understand but hey do you want us to come with you? It's back home and I don't want your dad doing something if he finds you guys, it'll be safer here but I won't be long. Can you please bring back my special sweater? It's green. Yes of course. Thanks po. Po walked over to Rae and kissed her forehead. Tell the little one that I got his favorite fruit snacks. Alright, see you later and thanks again. You're welcome kiddo. Rae smiled as he walked out.

Sissy are you gonna get another job? Probably. Ah so do you want stay with Mr. Po like permanently? I think so, he's better than dad. Was dad always like that? Like what ro? Abusive. For longer than I can remember yes. That's horrible. It was for us and I'm glad I got you out of there before it got worse. Me too. Ro? Yes sissy? You know I love you right. Yes. Ro. Rae leveled down to ro and put her hands on his shoulders. We don't deserve any of this I want you to remember that and you are extraordinary and I haven't been a great sister and I'll do better I promise. Rae you're an generous soul and you're selfless and I'm so grateful you got me out the house. Rae smiled. Ro hugged her and caressed her back. I love you sissy. I love you too ro. So what's the plan today? Um do you wanna go on a walk? Yes!

It's so nice down here! Better than home sissy. Rae held his hand. Yeah it is. Sissy? Yeah. I have to tell you something. What happened. That day when I got hit by dad he touched me in a spot. Where ro?? My chest and stomach. Oh god. Rae stopped walking and turned away from ro trying not to cry. Sissy? One sec ro. She turned back to him and grabbed his face. I'm so sorry that I wasn't there for you that day and I hate myself for being forced to live with that. You shouldn't have guilt you had to go. But. Don't sissy, it's fine and I can forgive you even though you did nothing wrong. I feel horrible. Your reaction shows that you're not horrible, that the guilt makes you a person who can try and do better the next time. You're so smart. I miss mama. Me too Roel. I also want a new toy car. We can go get one if we can just find a store. Rae looked around holding ro's hand. She felt a chest bump into her. Oh I'm so sorry. It's okay honey. The guy looked at Rae up and down. You're so pretty. Ugh I don't feel. Dad please stop. Leo sighed and looked at his dad in disgust. Leo? Hi Rae. Hi I have an question. No I don't play with my feet. Huh??? Oh what. Rae tried not to laugh and went back serious. Can you show me the closest store please? Of course but you're paying. Bribing me aren't you? Maybe. Leo laughed and walked over to Rae and Ro.

I love the car sissy! I'm glad. Leo was looking at Rae. Yes? Are you okay? Why wouldn't I be. Cause you've been hurt. You have no right to butt in even if I've had been hit which I haven't. You're carrying all of this and you don't even know it, you stand there holding your little brothers hand protecting him and once you finally look at him and his hand in yours he'll be old enough to pass it on to his own kids. I'll always love Ro but that doesn't mean he shouldn't be independent and my "selflessness " is something we've both accepted so we'll be fine. See that right there, you getting defensive that's a clear sign of an horrible household. You don't get to "read" me or psycho analyze me or my situation. That's not what I'm doing. That's EXACTLY what you're doing and it's not fair and yes I'm hurt but I don't flaunt it or tell people because I've carried it for as long as my mom decided to carry me and the rest of my siblings.... YEARS! I don't know you and you don't know me so don't ask if I'm okay and make it into a thing. Ra-. No it's fine, come on ro. Bye Leo. Bye Ro. Rae didn't bother putting her hand out for Ro's she just walked away mad. Sissy? What ro. You were really mean to him. Who cares ro? Oh right....only you. Of course I care but I know that saying hurtful things can really affect someone's feelings and you know what if he like died tomorrow? So you're basically saying to be nice to everyone because they "mighttt" die the day after. Yeahh... ro said hesitantly. So I should've been nice to dad after all of the beating and verbal abuse? Oh yikes. Mhm right. Ro looked at Rae with a disappointed in himself face. Rae snorted and nudged his tiny shoulder. I'm kidding. Whew. Kinda. RAE!! She smiled.

I wonder when he'll be back. Shouldn't be too long, are you hungry? Yeah. Okay cause I am too. Rae grabbed the step stool and checked for any scrap of food. What are we eating tonight sissy? Looks like nothing unless you count dust bunnies and shriveled up bugs oh and we could add his wife's ashes for seasoning! That's dark sissy...even for you. Rae stepped off the stool and put her hands on her hips huffing. I got an idea! Oh god. Ro ran over and grabbed her hand. You have to move sissy. I refuse. Are you hungry or not? I am but I'd rather eat what's here then what you got planned. That's rude but I'm hungry so I'm gonna ignore it and forgive you plus I'm five and kinda need you there with me. Ughhh. Ro still had her hand as they ran out the house. They didn't go far just to stop in their tracks and look ahead. No. Come onnn. Nope. Sissy! Not uh. Pleaseeee, you gotta make amends. Oh yeah by begging for food from someone I was incredibly mean too. Yes? Consider this a funny moment cause you're basically taking his food. Ah I like that. But you still have to apologize. Oh god. Rae. FINE! So who's knocking? I'm not. Why? Cause I've already walked here I shouldn't have to knock. They live next door! Okay and? I was fine with the dust bunnies and bugs. Of course you are. EXCUSE YOU?!? Ro pushed Rae towards the door as she slammed into it and fell. That's considered a knock...an embarrassing one but still one you know. Ro said shrugging. Rae flicked him off and stood up.

Thanks for dinner I'm sorry we imploded. You didn't. Still sorry. Is this an apology for dinner or earlier? Both. Well I accept it, thanks. Yeah. Lemme guess you wouldn't have apologized if your little brother didn't say anything? Nope. Fair. Yeah of course it is because I wasn't wrong you should mind your business. Maybe or maybe we should talk because I go through it too. Go through what? My dad he hits...me and has touched me more than I can count on both my hands. Leo I- I'm horrible ugh. No you're not, you feel bad because I called you out on something I go through too. Why aren't you in foster care or something? Because look where I live, no one cares enough to drive down here to get me and they're right.  No no none of this is "right" feeling invalid to a family or a good person isn't right it's quite literally the wrongest thing ever but you can't make yourself believe that but I can. Hey hey look at me. Leo stopped and looked at Rae. Your life is so purposeful no matter how many hits you take from your dad and how many touches tear you down, he's no in control of your future YOU are don't let his sadness and anger make you sad and angry...do better and move on from this and hey who cares about a family that would probably be ten times worse behind that porcelain door? I sure don't. Leo hugged Rae. Thank you. Yeah of course. HEY RO LETS GO! Leo pulled out and panicked. Here I come sissy! You couldn't have did that like...after the hug? Nah...adds more to my character you know? Leo laughed and waved bye to the two as they walked back home.