The unloved heart of Rae Wilson

Chapter 30

So this is the famous strawberry tree? It is. You know it's not possible for there to be a strawberry tree. And is it possible for you NOT to be a dick? Not likely. Like that date you had planned. I still have it planned, don't worry. You're pretty. I know. Ugh. You're pretty too. I know. Fair. Rae laughed and looked at him. Is there a part of you that would want me forever? Every inch of me is leaning towards you but I have to wait and make sure you're good. And could you be happy without me? Is forever a thing? Not entirely. Then that's your answer. Matt looked over at her. Leo walked over. Hi Rae. Hi Leo. Oh that's Leo?! Matt was trying not to laugh. Stop. This is classic. Who's this? This is Matt. Ah. Leo looked Matt up and down and went back in the house. You're so rude. Nah I'm just better. I'll be back. Are you really following him? I mean yeah...you were a dick.

I'm so sorry about him. He's pretty. I know. She scoffed. Do you even still want the necklace. It was your mom's, why would I not want it? Because he's in love with you. Aren't you too? I'm too exhausted for this. No no Leo wait. What. I just I mean I didn't even tell him about my scars and you know how hard that is I mean I still haven't even talked about it but it's like you know me on a different level and with him yeah it's fun and it's light but sometimes I need to be sensitive and raw and you provide the comfort for me to do so..so yes I'm gonna keep the necklace and wear it in front of his face and yes me and him are gonna hang out a lot but I'll also see you. You don't see me like I want you to. What do you mean? I want you to see me and have a mirror of me in your eyes and I want you to go on a rant about how much I make you laugh because making you laugh is so important and I wanna talk and ask the really stupid stuff and just listen to you and I want it to be fun and light for you, I'll always want that why wouldn't I? You're my sun and moon Wil. Wil? For Wilson. It's stupid. I like it. So just know I'm in love with you too and I'm emotionally prepared to be heartbroken when you choose, I can take it. Thank you. Oh and I can also take a punch. Rae laughed.

So why don't we text? We do! Not anymore. Dead mom man. Hey, dead dad! Fair. You look really stunning by the way. Matt. What? He chuckled nervously. Me and Leo talked. I assumed you guys weren't just having sex were you? NO UGH! Sorry. He said he's okay with getting his heartbroken. So it's me you choose? I didn't say that...I shouldn't have to choose either of you guys because it's not my fault you fell in love with me. Real conceited Rae. You know what I meant. Did I? You're cocky. I might be but that doesn't make you less conceited. What if I'm not even in love with either of you? Then tell us. Yeah. Sit. Rae looked at Matt still standing up. He grabbed ahold of her hand and nudged her a little. Look I'm begging, you have to be enjoying this. Rae laughed. She sat down and looked at him. Why are we never serious? We have dead parents that were our best friends what's more serious than that? A relationship. Time will tell. And I have to tell one of you that I don't feel that way. Right. I cut myself when I was at the hospital with my mom. What?!?! I was asleep for like three days, Ro found me. Jesus Rae. Don't treat me like I'm fragile. When have I ever did that? Never. Exactly so why would I start now? I don't know because you're starting to hate me. I'll always love you with every inch of me like I said. Why? Because you're incredible and you challenge me and you're important. Matt. Yes? How do you fe-. Matt rubbed his hand in her hair and used his other hand to grab her chin and kissed her. He moved her legs on his legs and her arms around his neck. Rae pulled away. Matt wait. What is it? I- we have to go. Listen Rae it'll be okay and we won't talk about it if you don't want to because I've seen a lot of movies where they don't talk about it but you also said we aren't serious so if you want to talk about it we can. Just kiss me again. Fair.

Rae headed home. She had a place to call home and she never had a "good" moment with her dad now that she thought about it which didn't even make her sad it just made her aware that having a home that was safe and secure was terrifying and she couldn't shake that her dad might find her because that's the thing with abusive parents and households you never really escape them and her mom was proof of that even with death, she just hoped that the charm bracelet would make him some type of a decent person because it meant so much to her mom. Grace was Rae's best friend... Rae idolized her mom like yeah initially that's what your supposed to do and they were friends when they needed to be but she was always just her mom and that may seem like okay? But you need that when your dad isn't really your "dad". Rae hadn't cried since the funeral and it wasn't because she wasn't sad or upset of course she was I mean she was distraught so why nothing? She thought to herself. I mean her mom deserved some type of emotion so why couldn't Rae shake the feeling that her grief was stupid and letting her mom down even though she couldn't really do that, grace was always proud of Rae even when they fought. SISSY! Hiii. I feel better. I'm so glad. Rae whispered into ro's ear. Don't worry he'll tell me. Right. Rae walked in the house and sat by Po on the couch. Why do people who are amazing die and horrible people stay? Why is there life? And purpose? And jobs. Rae shrugged. Exactly....no one really knows.

Po was in the bathroom getting himself ready for bed. Rae looked at him. Why are you creeping like Cassie? There's a Cassie ghost?!? Rae said walking in and sitting on the bathtub ledge. I didn't mean to snap at you. I get it. That's good. I kissed Matt. Who the hell is Matt? Someone I kissed. Props to him. Rae smiled. I cut myself. When? When I saw mom. Rae. Po put his toothbrush down and looked at her. Why would you do that? I was hurting...this hurts. She said showing her arms. Don't. Po sat on the toilet. I'm so tired. I uh tried to do that when I was eleven. Jesus. He couldn't help. How? Gun and some hope. Ah I was broken mirror shards and depression. How do you feel now? Terrible. Ro said at the door frame. I felt terrible finding her but it's okay. Ro I'm sorry. Everyone is sorry, when you tell them someone died it's "I'm sorry " or when you're having a bad day it's an "I'm sorry" when it doesn't have to be. You should be sorry about the life you have but there can still be hope and will...it'll be okay and we will. Ro walked over to them. You're so smart. We all are. We're surrounded by death. Yes but we have hope. That's all we need. Of course it is.