Intro:
This feedback is for the book Paper Planes along the Skyline by ElizaJayBird1. This chapter will be dedicated to the author. Paper Planes is a sad narrative with unique perspectives on character, trauma, and more. Paper Planes focuses on description, so for those looking for a descriptive story utilizing the five senses, this is for you.
~~~
Long Review (5-8 sentences):
As usual, your descriptions are vivid and suck the reader right in; for example, the first chapter has the line "Her car roared, screaming when Alaska couldn't" which is a powerful description giving us insight to Alaska's character. As someone who knows you and your writing, I feel confident saying your hooks have improved, and the first chapter was intriguing. Along with that, Alaska is an engaging protagonist. The character work in this story is overall solid, particularly with Cassian, Alaska, and Thatcher. What I would say is to be careful of how much description you use. I don't mean limit the words or how much, I mean ask yourself "Is this description providing new information?"; for example, also in the first chapter, within two paragraphs, Alaska asks herself if she has a reason to stay twice. Just be cautious of repetitive structure because repetitive description will pull a reader out of a story and bog down the pace.
P.S. The character dynamics are realistic and fun to read, every relationship feels real and relatable.
~~~
Side Note:
Just a suggestion for you, but I'd recommend using less adverbs. Every writer is different, but for your style, I don't think you need them. Your writing is descriptive enough that you don't need any adverbs to tell the audience what's going on. I'd recommend cutting 90% of the adverbs out since you really (haha) don't need them. However, that's totally (haha^2) up to you!
I.e., in chapter two, the text reads "...his hazel eyes observing her carefully." I don't think you need the "carefully" there since you imply it with "observing her." But again, your decision if you feel they're necessary or not. Since you have such a colorful style, I figured I'd run the suggestion by you!
~~~
Summary:
- Interesting premise
- Relatable and likeable characters
- Engaging hook
- Realistic relationship dynamics
- Some repetitive descriptions that could be cut
- Adverb cuts (if you want)
~~~
Overall:
Paper Planes is an impactful story with an engaging premise and equally engaging characters. Paper Planes hooks you in by the first paragraph, making for an interesting read. Although the pacing is too slow for my liking in some areas, Paper Planes lands all its emotional beats and is definitely a story you should check out.
~~~
Thank you for submitting your story. It's always a pleasure to read your work and I'm glad I got a chance to again despite the busyness that has been life. I hope I get to see more of your stories soon!
More reviews coming soon. Leave a comment on the first chapter if you want your story reviewed!
YOU ARE READING
Review Shop - Quotev And Wattpad (CLOSED)
Short Story~CLOSED TO CATCH UP ON APPLICATIONS~ Free reviews and detailed feedback for authors of all sizes. I read any book, including fanfics and books with mature content. Even if I don't know the fanfic fandom, I will still read and judge it based on other...
