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Ambrosial Promise - Detailed Feedback

Intro:

Ambrosial Promise was written by CherverLarkville. It is a fantasy adventure story with characters like Sheira, Eamon, and Yuri at the forefront. The narrative revolves around war, but there are emotional centers such as the mystery about what happened to Sheira's parents.

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Detailed Feedback

What Worked:

I like how you immediately start the story with an emotional conflict that stirs within our protagonist. I've always believed the best hooks get the audience invested in an emotional conflict the characters are going through since, well, characters are our vessels for the plot, world, and themes. So starting off with that was a good decision, in my opinion. It instantly got me hooked on what you wanted to say with this narrative.

Moving more generally, I think you have a good hook where you have a balance between plot and character. I like how it starts with Sheira, like I just mentioned, but then it switches to action and getting us familiar with what the overall plot is going to be. It's a good balance between introducing character and plot, which I think works well together. It gives us a well-rounded view of the story since you're introducing two of the biggest elements immediately. One might even argue you're introducing the theme through Sheira's character and the impacts of lost family. It's one of my personal favorite topics, exploring how lack of family can lead to feelings of abandonment and doubt. I'll talk more about Sheira later, but since I'm talking about the underlying themes of abandonment, I'll mention how I think Sheira does a good job elevating the theme and portraying that deep feeling of resentment toward others just for having families, and also how she personally feels doubt and even encourages punishment when she messes up.

While on the topic of beginnings, I think you overall do a good job opening your chapters. For example, chapter 40 opens with you stimulating one of the five senses (sound) and putting the audience right in the tense moment. It was a good way to grasp an audience's attention. The same applies to the other chapters since you often open with interesting dialogue or one of the five senses that immediately stimulates the audience's imagination.

This is a small thing, but I just thought I'd mention it: I like the title. It's pretty and inspires curiosity about what the promise will be. The cover is very nice too, so you have overall great presentation that will draw readers in. That includes the blurb, and I like how you have a quote to start then you jump into a summary paragraph. So you have the best of both worlds where you have a short quote that can get readers curious, but you also explain the story instead of being vague, so that was nicely done.

The relationships in the story are good. Both the relationships between Yuri and Sheira and Eamon and Sheira are interesting, though I must admit I'm a sucker for relationships like Yuri and Sheira's. I love the bond they have and how Sheira has him to lean on whenever she needs advice and help. Yuri is more wholesome than I was expecting him to be, but that's a good thing. Like Sheira, I like how he was introduced to the narrative in the first chapter. He left a strong impression on me.

Sheira works as the main protagonist. I was hooked on her story from the very first chapter, but I think she has an overall compelling narrative that drives the force of the book. She fails, she stumbles, she has doubts, she has likes and dislikes, she has enemies and friends, etc. She's a well-rounded character with a diverse set of emotions and personality. Never once does she feel like she falls flat or feels boring.

In general, the characters work and all feel very different from one another. Giving them that emotional diversity gave them more individuality while also making me care more about them. The cast feels like it hits on many emotional beats and allows us to see different types of people reflected in this fantasy world. It gives us something to cheer for. Overall, solid job setting up the character relationships and characters.