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The Last Philosopher - Detailed Feedback

Intro:

The Last Philosopher was written by NickfEast. As hinted at by the name, this story deals with many philosophical concepts. It follows multiple characters like Herschel and Lyeasrakardsul; however, these characters have vastly different journeys. It is a speculative, long epic fantasy with many unique worldbuilding elements to get invested in.

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Detailed Feedback

What Worked:

There was some clever use of figurative language throughout the story. There were many examples, so for sake of brevity, I'll only include one. From the chapter "The trouble with beautification," there's the alliteration, "...sheep sheering scissors...". It wasn't a huge line or something super emotional, but I think that makes it even better. You gave these lines more flair/flavor, which made them more fun to read as a result.

While on the topic of figurative language and how you present your story, there was some interesting imagery throughout. Something I really liked was the consistency of Lyeasrakardsul having bushy brows. It's like your way of introducing the character to us without even needing to say the name.

There were some other moments of imagery I enjoyed that I'll list here. From "A Barroc stroll," He had been dying to ask, but hadn't dared with all those surly rocks around. I just really like the words "surly rocks," it rolls off the tongue nicely.

From "The trick to fetching Rascal," Bern's wasn't the only thing she'd inherited, and her upturned Bloomer nose enjoyed a bit of a cult status in town. I'm a huge fan of personification, and I like how you gave the nose the feeling of enjoyment.

Lastly, the entire opening paragraph of "Night-ride to Fenmark." I thought that opening paragraph incorporated humor and established the scene very well. There are more examples I can list of interesting imagery and word choice, but for sake of wanting to move into other things, I'll leave it at those three examples.

In general, your opening paragraphs do a good job hooking the reader in. You don't waste our time by dancing around, you get to the point immediately and start the chapter off in a way that attracts the readers' attention. Having immersive opening paragraphs is imperative for engagement and encouraging the reader to continue with the chapter, so good job making your openings so hooking!

Something that's smaller and not really about the specific plot or anything, but I commend you for going out there and making a speculative book for Wattpad. Let's face it, Wattpad is overrun with a lot of romance-only and "18+" (if you catch my drift) books, so to see an author get really passionate about what they're writing, even though it isn't the Wattpad norm, is great. It's inspiring, in a way. So I just thought I'd take a second and appreciate that since it's not every day you see a Wattpad author go out there with their concepts and really try something risky.

Similarly, I think the story's central idea/plot is a good one. I mean really, just look at all the things you got going on. Between literal black holes to sorcerers to dwarves, you have it all. It's easy for everyone to find at least one thing to like about this book due to the versatility it has without feeling bloated or like you're trying too hard to do too much.

I think the pacing is pretty good. Considering this story has over 80 chapters, I was expecting a really really long read, but I was able to get through it faster than expected since the chapters never felt bloated. Like I mentioned above, all the storytelling elements you have (which you have a lot of) don't feel like they're too much. For that reason, it was far easier to read the story than I was expecting, which is a good thing since sometimes fantasy stories go too over-the-top and end up filling their chapters with unnecessary information. You kept the chapters mid-sized and every scene felt like it added something to the narrative.

Long story short, the pacing was good and you didn't include fluffy stuff in your chaps that made the story hard to read.

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What Didn't Work:

I wasn't a huge fan of the first chapter. For me, it felt like it jumped around a lot and it could have benefitted from being a bit more grounded. For a first chapter, there was a lot thrown at us. I understand it's The Last Philosopher, but the first chapter, for me, had a little too much of it right off the bat.

I'm sure many people enjoyed the first chapter, it's just for me I wasn't the hugest fan since it felt like there was a lot going on but not enough focus. We have all the exposition about the gods, then the philosophical stuff about the great question, the different beliefs and strangeness in the galaxy, etc. Granted, the chapter is only five minutes long so it isn't a huge deal, but it wasn't my personal cup of tea.

I hesitate to give advice or suggestions because your story is more philosophical and there's a chance, perhaps even a high one, that this is just a personal thing and no one else feels this way about your first chapter. However, I will still give a suggestion anyway in case you are interested. My suggestion would be to narrow the focus of that chapter and focus on one or two or maybe three things max instead of jumping around so much. I found myself having to reread it three times since I couldn't fully immerse myself with what was going on.

But again, it's possible, maybe even highly possible, that that's a me thing, so I would recommend only listening to that advice if you re-read the chapter and feel you could have had more focus.

There were occasional tense issues where you'd flip flop between past and present tense incorrectly. It wasn't often enough to be a big deal, just some occasional tense slips. It's not anything to worry too much about, but something to keep in mind when writing future chapters/stories.

I have no problem with incomplete sentences and using them as a style choice, but there were times you used fragmented sentences and I didn't quite see the purpose. Two examples from the chapter "(Self) mocking and pity:"

When the sun, that lazy bastard, more or less wasn't bothered to come up at all. It meant he could excuse sleeping for twelve plus hours a day.

Like many nights before, he would spend this one gazing through his penthouse's balcony doors. Blaming the city for his troubles.

I wasn't quite sure what the purpose was of splitting the second sentences from the first ones. The first example especially because it feels like the first sentence is leading somewhere, but the period makes it suddenly stop.

Similarly, there are some confusing sentences. Also from the pity chapter: The nation that according to other nations had only one redeeming feature, that it was as far away as possible from any of them.

I'll be honest, I don't know what that sentence means. I think I have a general idea, but not a full one. That sentence could benefit from some clarity.

In my opinion, it feels like you have cool ideas for your sentences but you're getting overly ambitious and putting too much into them or losing the meaning of them because you're writing too fast. 

I would suggest slowing down and reading sentences out loud or plugging them into TTS so you can hear how they sound. You have a lot of great sentences, so that's not to say all your sentences are like that, it's just some of them I feel could benefit from being slowed down and closely looked at, if that makes sense.

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Summary:

- Cool use of figurative language

- Solid plot/ideas

- Interesting imagery

- For me, I felt the first chapter could have benefitted from more focus

- Some fragmented sentences

- Some sentences that didn't make sense

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Overall:

The Last Philosopher is unlike most stories you see on Wattpad. It presents itself to a mature audience and keeps that tone consistent throughout the entire novel. It is something you need to sit down and really think about while reading since there are many complex topics and questions in it. If you are someone who enjoys speculative fantasy stories, then The Last Philosopher is for you!

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