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The Unknown - Detailed Feedback

Intro:

This feedback is for the book The Unknown by reindolfwrites. This chapter will be dedicated to the author. The Unknown is a short drama-horror story that makes commentary on social issues and builds intrigue through a suspenseful plot.

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Detailed Review

What Worked:

The opening line is engaging, eye-catching, and sucks the reader right in. It immediately piqued my interest and got me excited to read. Getting hooks right is how you draw an audience in, and I'm pleased to say you nailed your hook with that stellar opening.

I like the narration. The story has a unique voice in the sense that the narrator is this figure we [the audience] know nothing about, but obviously the narrator is omniscient. They see everything going on and even refer to themselves in first person, which gives the reader more intrigue. It feels like the narrator is their own character and we can see them pulling metaphorical puppet strings. It's really interesting, and although not everyone likes that type of narration, it stuck out to me as intriguing. I wanted to keep reading because of it. I love how you were able to bounce between the characters (mostly) smoothly. There were some cases where it wasn't smooth and the scene switch was jarring, but for the most part, the switches were fun and easy to read.

For example, in chapter 2 where you go back and forth between Sandra and Henry. That was fun to read and I loved it. It was like we [the readers] were narrators too.

Also, I really really hate to do this cause I don't want to disrespect anyone else's opinion, but the person in your comments telling you that you have to stick to one POV is incorrect. While in general it is a good idea to stick to one POV per scene as to not confuse readers, as long as it is written well and there is a purpose for it, there's nothing wrong with switching POVs within the story. You are narrating this story like Rue from Euphoria. Rue gets to see the thoughts of everyone and weave their thoughts in the story all in the course of one scene. So as long as there is a genuine purpose for switching POVs and you write it well, it's fine to switch POVs in your book, chapter, scene, whatever. I can provide examples of books doing this if you'd like, I actually just read one for my writing class a couple months ago and I thought it was excellent. The POV switches were fast but never jarring and made for a great narrative. Just make sure when you switch POVs it's clear so the audience doesn't get confused. I'll say it one more time so I'm not misinterpreted: as long as there is a reason for the POV switch and it is clear, I don't see anything wrong with writing multiple POVs throughout scenes, chapters, books, etc. Feel free to get creative with it!

I never like to reply to people about their opinions on books cause they're entitled to that, I just felt the need to reply to that one because I don't want you to feel creatively restricted when the POV does work as long as it's written well. The thing is, there are writing "rules," but at the end of the day, everyone breaks them. We're always bending or breaking the rules to fit the narrative. So it's easy for me to say "stick to one POV" when plenty of writers don't do that. There are so many writers, like Stephen King, who break "fundamental" creative writing rules and it works well for them, so don't limit your creativity out of fear of breaking rules. Be bold. If it doesn't work, it doesn't work. If it does, it does. Take risks. That's one of the biggest parts of storytelling: risks.

Also, my name is Raven. I know I'm biased, but I loved the Raven family. That's just a small thing, but I still wanted to point it out.

I enjoy Sandra and her place in the story. I like the suspense you build around her character and how you build it up. In these types of stories, suspense and mystery are extremely important, and you manage to build tension throughout the chapters well.