Intro:
Sniper was written by HaidaHyena. During the MFD War (Mixed Forced Divisions War), a country named Nantom creates an experimental fighting force using animals. By combining human and animal DNA, they create intelligent super soldiers. Sniper follows one of these intelligent animals, Fox, through various missions.
~~~
Short Feedback:
I like the use of onomatopoeia throughout the text. Using words like snict! to show when someone gets shot or the bzzzt! sound of the phone was very colorful and added flavor to the story. I also love the world and how vibrant it is; I can tell you put a lot of love into the worldbuilding and all the details, such as the MFD War's lore. Lastly, I enjoyed the action scenes in the second chapter since I thought they were written well, and so far I like Fox as the central protagonist.
My main critique is that there are grammar errors, like incorrect dialogue tags and comma splices, throughout the story. An example of comma splices is in chapter one with, "Nacada was on the east side of the world, and gained multiple allies due to...". The comma is not necessary since the second half of the sentence connects to the same subject. Dialogue tags should always be lowercase unless they are a proper noun, and when you are using them, the dialogue can end with anything other than a period. So, a proper dialogue tag would be this: "Hey," she said. You do it like: "Hey." He said.
~~~
Summary:
- Good use of onomatopoeia
- Colorful worldbuilding
- Nice action scenes
- Fox is an interesting protagonist
- Grammar errors (comma splices and dialogue tags)
~~~
Overall:
Sniper is an exciting action-adventure story that has a colorful world and equally colorful writing. Currently, there are only three chapters out, but they are high quality chapters with a lot of content. If you are looking for a good action story, then Sniper is the book for you!
~~~
Thank you for submitting your story. This is a super interesting idea, and I hope you expand upon it in future chapters. I hope this review gives you a bit of motivation to write!
Please let me know if you have any questions or would like any additional reviews.
YOU ARE READING
Review Shop - Quotev And Wattpad (CLOSED)
Short Story~CLOSED TO CATCH UP ON APPLICATIONS~ Free reviews and detailed feedback for authors of all sizes. I read any book, including fanfics and books with mature content. Even if I don't know the fanfic fandom, I will still read and judge it based on other...
