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Maboroshi no shin'kinkan: Saki e sumu - Detailed Feedback

Intro:

This feedback is for Maboroshi no shin'kinkan: Saki e sumu by jakeyboi98. It is a science-fiction adventure with elements of paranormal activity. It is formatted like an episodic anime, which includes artwork and episode teasers.

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Detailed Feedback

What Worked:

I take notes while reading, so this will be out of order in terms of which episodes I talk about.

I will start with episode 2.5. I was a bit confused why it was 2.5 instead of 3, but I understood it after a few minutes and even liked the decision to give a segue into episode 3. I haven't watched much anime in my life, but from what I recall, I remember seeing "half" or special episodes such as these, so I understand the 2.5 now. 

The main reason why I brought up 2.5 is because I liked the repeating theme of nature in the text. The description focuses a lot on nature and its relationship with the characters.

It begins with nature's call, then nature's response, then nature's passive song. In a way, it feels like the nature has its own character journey, which matches how Rui acts in this episode.

It's a small detail, but it makes the entire chapter feels more cohesive. Along with that, it feels like it connects to Rui on a deeper level even though the text doesn't come out and say that. I find that the subtle details such as those stand out and make the story more intriguing to read.

The reason it's so engaging is because the nature lines are evenly spread out so only someone paying close attention would notice. Like I said before, those small details make the story that much more interesting, and I'm using the nature example as an umbrella term to say I liked the smaller details in the story since they gave the audience room to think about what was going on.

Long story short, you reward the readers who are paying close attention by giving them extra details.

I also like the artwork used. It's very beautiful and adds to the episodic feel you're going for. Giving it that style makes it stand out more, and it definitely makes it stand out on Wattpad because not many authors experiment with artwork the way you have in this narrative.

Normally I tend to dislike stories that use too many images, but for yours, I think it fits very well.  It adds to the anime style you're going for, and it doesn't feel like too much, in my opinion.

I think the story idea itself is interesting. You take a paranormal idea and mesh it with a science-fiction world, which sounds pretty cool just from that very basic rundown of what happens in the story. Without even mentioning the details involving the ghosts and the mechs, it already sounds intriguing. With the ghosts and mechs, it's even more intriguing.

The premise does a good job hooking readers in. I also didn't feel overwhelmed by the plot. In sci fi, it's easy to get lost because of the different concepts, but you make the story feel unreal and mundane at the same time. That may sound like a contradiction, but it has classic sci fi moments that are still grounded in the reality of human emotion.

I'd like to take a moment to appreciate the sense of adventure this story has. It feels like there's a clear objective that drives our protagonist, Ichiro, forward. It feels like a classic call to action that sends Ichiro on his journey.

I like the overall layout of the story. Starting with an intro video then having episode teasers and back pages really sells the episodic feeling you're going for, and along with that, it immerses the reader more in this world you're crafting.