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Obsession - Detailed Feedback

Intro:

Obsession was written by ThatGoldenApple. It is a slow burn BTS fanfiction that follows the protagonist, Mae, through various life perils, including her obsession (hence the title) with Jeon Jungkook. It also features other BTS members such as Park Jimin and Kim Taehyung, with Taehyung taking another prominent role in the story.

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Detailed Feedback

What Worked:

I liked the relationship between Mae and her mother. They have a complicated relationship where Mae is lying to her and we watch as she hides it. It's tense, but it's also bittersweet because Mae genuinely cares about her mother, as seen in the hospital scene where she shows her vulnerable side. She admits she was scared, and she admits she would come home whenever her mom needed her.

It added a layer to Mae I wasn't expecting, and it kept stakes high throughout the narrative as we watched their relationship unfold. There was a lot of tension because Mae was keeping said secret from her mother, so at any moment that secret could be up, and that sweet relationship we saw in the hospital could be destroyed. The last thing we wanted to see was that relationship gone.

While on the topic of characters, I actually really liked Jungkook. I wasn't expecting to like him as much as I did. The way he reacted to situations was entertaining, and I especially liked how he acted around Mae.

He's mysterious and we didn't know much about him for a while, and I liked that. It put us in Mae's shoes. She's so obsessive over him, but she doesn't really know much, if anything, about him. Us, the audience, not knowing either made us able to relate to Mae more when she has the realization that he could have been seeing a woman and she had no idea.

Along with that, Taehyung is fun to read about. I like seeing things from his perspective, and also the way he carried himself was entertaining to read. His character was probably my second favorite behind Jungkook.

There were some great descriptions in the story that were thought-provoking and interesting. I think you mentioned that you went back in and added some scenes, and I'm glad you did since it gave more detail to the environments and who the characters are. It gets us in the mood to see more of the story when we have the details to imagine it and place ourselves in the scene with the characters.

The world is interesting, too. I was intrigued from the moment we learned the company name was Xentax. The names you use, whether you made them or they're real places, are engaging and they added to my enjoyment of the story. I always enjoy it when an author gives specific names and destinations instead of blurring out places and replacing them with "Let's meet at xx cafe" or something like that.

It is a slow burn story, and I like slow burns so I'm more in the target audience. I bring that up because I wanted to talk about the plot. I liked the plot. I was confused about it at first, but I suppose I probably shouldn't have been considering I knew it was slow burn, so the information was revealed later.

I mentioned Jungkook earlier to say I liked how he reacted to Mae's advances, but I want to take a moment to bring up the other half of that: I liked Mae's advances. Well, I didn't like them (I thought they were creepy), but I liked how they were handled and I liked the dynamic between Jungkook and Mae.

There was a lot of tension and stakes in the story since every character had their own reasons for doing the things they did, and at any moment, their reasons could either push them over the edge or change the plot drastically. Such as Mae's desire to quit and go live a normal life. Those are the kinds of narrative elements that keeps a reader engaged.