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Return of the Youngest Auclair - Detailed Feedback

Intro:

Return of the Youngest Auclair was written by EMAmask. It is a mafia story following Cameron, who must investigate his father's death after spending years away from home. As expected from the mafia, things are not as simple as they seem, and Cameron's journey becomes more strenuous than he first thought and is packed with family tension.

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Detailed Feedback

What Worked:

I like the way you started the story and gave us a few of the five senses to really put us in the scene, like the red cups cracking under Cameron's feet. It set the scene well and immediately got me invested in what was going on. The five senses are crucial to getting a reader immersed in the scene, so I loved its usage there and in other areas throughout the story. Considering the first chapter is your hook, I wanted to focus particularly on those details like the party lights and cracking cups, though those details are present in the rest of the story, too, and I liked them there as well.

This is a subject I'm going to talk about carefully, but I'd like to address the homophobia in the narrative. I read a lot. Like, a lot. Not even counting the Wattpad stuff I read for contests and this review shop, I read over a hundred pages a week for college, not exaggerating. All of that is to say I haven't seen many books with homophobia as a main theme and conflict that take it in the way you do. Most of the time it's just "Oh they're homophobic." There's nothing wrong with that because that happens in real life, but I'm glad you decided to do something different and give more layers to the homophobia and why it was happening while also addressing the progress that has been made for the lgbtq+ community.

I like how the underground is terrified of impure bloodlines, and that's why they're against gay relationships. Not only does this hold a lot of historic value thanks to history's views on pure bloodlines, but it also gives the underground more individuality and personality. It makes the world feel more alive since there are specific reasons behind why people believe what they believe.

It also adds tension for when Cameron returns home for the first time in years since we don't know where their [his family's] loyalties lie. The same applies to the ending when Cameron and Aiden confess to their relationship; there's always that doubt in the back of our minds that maybe a new conflict will come because of homophobia within the family. So having that extra layer to homophobia and explaining why it's so rampant in the underground was a nice touch that made for a more complex reading experience. I'm not saying there needs to be an explanation for homophobia in storytelling or anything like that because that's often not how it happens irl, but giving it historic value and a reason that makes sense made me more invested in the story.

I just mentioned the ending, so I'd like to expand on that and say I think you made the right decision to save the big confession from Aiden and Cameron for the end. Overall, I think you did a good job wrapping up the story and tying up loose ends with the characters. The story came to a nice conclusion, and I liked the family banter. In general, I liked the family banter throughout the entire book.

While on the topic, I also liked how the family was overall supportive of Cameron and Aiden, like Cameron's father offering him a way out instead of disowning him or being angry at him. I was definitely expecting the family to shun him and cut him out, but to see them care about one another subverted my expectations in an intriguing way. I liked how family was an important thing in this book, and it made for some complex emotions and relationships that tied in nicely with the homophobia I mentioned earlier.

Lastly, I want to talk about the plot. The plot being Cameron returning home to search for clues about his father's mysterious death was interesting, and I always like murder mysteries. It's even more fun to read when it's a mafia murder mystery because quite literally anyone could be the killer, even those you think you trust. The narrative was very entertaining and I think you chose a nice plot to lead the story.