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Inner Child - Detailed Feedback

Introduction:

Inner Child is an absolutely incredible BTS fanfic by 4everSherlocked. This is probably my favorite story on this website due to how accurately it depicts adult life through an interesting plot and equally interesting characters. The themes are so strong and clear that they make this story an awesome read regardless of if you like BTS or not.

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Detailed Feedback

What Worked:

Gosh, where do I even start?

Okay, I guess I'll start with the characters. I love how every character is defined by their flaws. While they have great traits to balance them out, this story is about their flaws and how they motivate their characters. These aren't perfect people. Some of them are downright unlikeable at times, and I love that about them because it makes me feel more connected to them.

No matter if they're likeable or unlikeable, they're all relatable, and that's the most important thing. Shora got on my nerves quite a few times, but it was either something that was valid or a character flaw, which made me relate to her and empathize with her. I could really put myself in her shoes and see why she acted the way she did during certain parts, which was super interesting.

Admittedly, I am biased, so I tend to lean toward Jimin in these BTS ffs. However, in this story, I found myself favoring Taehyung much more. Taehyung has such an interesting arc. He's deeply flawed, but his heart is in the right place. That is an extremely relatable character right there. I love how much insight we get into his thought process. We see every little detail about his emotions, and it makes the story feel so real.

In general, this book feels realistic. There are tiny details to make the environments feel more fleshed out. I love the detail of Taehyung walking too fast for Jimin in chap 5. All of chap 5 is packed with great details. I really liked the scene where he goes through the fountain to search for the coins.

I loved the dynamic between Taehyung and Jimin, and also some subtle details like Jimin being too tired to stand up for himself even though he could easily explain the situation instead of getting scolded.

This story showcases the struggles of adulthood so well. The constant tiredness, the craving to go back to having no responsibilities and running away from said responsibilities, the dreariness of the working world, etc. Everything is shown without a filter being slapped on it.

The tone is consistent. It allows moments of levity that give the reader time to process information and also get a break from the miseries of adulthood, but it also knows not to use too much humor considering the severity of the situation Taehyung is in—both as a kid and as an adult.

That leads me into the plot. It's a magnificent plot. I like the way the plot only happens because of Taehyung's character flaws. He acts childish and wishes to be a kid, and that's exactly what happens. 

There was also a lot of good humor. I mentioned how I love the dynamic between Tae and Jimin, but the reason why I love it is because of how they're able to bounce off one another. For example, "Are you eating the fries or inhaling them?"

That's a funny line from chapter 6, and it shows that even when put in strange situations, the two can find a way to poke fun at each other. I love the way their personalities are shown in this story, and I hope you continue to write their dynamic in the future since I love them so much in this.

I love the worldbuilding as well. While the world isn't a huge focus in the story, you still give enough detail for us to picture what's going on in the environment. It helps boost the characters and plot forward, and the world feels specific enough that it makes us feel like we're there with the characters.

Everything about this story feels so well put together. The entire plot has no holes that I noticed, the characters are realistic and well-rounded, the worldbuilding is solid, the pacing is good, and the themes drive the story. Every aspect of the narrative is packed with detail, and I appreciate that.

There really isn't much more I can say without repeating myself. Your story is incredible, and I hope more people read it soon because it deserves the attention.

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What Didn't Work:

I don't have many suggestions.

The main suggestion I have is to use less dialogue tags. Especially in the second chapter, there's a dialogue tag almost every line when it's just Jimin and Tae talking, so we don't need them to be labeled every time. You do a good job making sure the tags aren't over-the-top, so I think that's great. But again, you could benefit from using less and focusing more on actions to tell who is speaking.

This is super minor and it only happens a handful of times, mostly in the beginning, but occasionally you capitalize the dialogue tag even if it's not a proper noun. This doesn't happen later in the story, it's only in the first couple chapters, but I thought I'd bring it up anyway. Since you tend to put the tag before the person speaking, this error only happens once in a blue moon, but it's still worth pointing out.

Another thing is the dashes are hyphens and not em dashes. So instead of being — the dashes are -. It's not a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but I would recommend using em dashes instead of hyphens just because hyphens, en dashes, and em dashes are all used for different things.

I used to use hyphens instead of em dashes because I could never find out how to make an em dash. My emoji keyboard has symbols, so that's how I found them. If you're like me and can't find the key for them, I'd suggest looking to see if you have an emoji keyboard, or copy pasting the symbol from Google.

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Summary:

- Realistic characters

- Smooth pacing

- Solid plot

- Great themes that drive the story

- Nice dynamics between the characters

- The story is packed with detail

- Solid worldbuilding

- Some overuse of dialogue tags

- Some grammar issues

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Overall:

Inner Child is an excellent story that challenges you as you read. It makes you wonder which character is "right" when none of them really are, they're just surviving in a cruel world. They have flaws that make them unlikable at times, but that makes them super relatable and interesting. I love how bold and risky this story is with its characterization, and I hope to see more of it in the future. Regardless of if you like BTS or not, you should read this story.

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I'm so glad I got a chance to read your story again. I'm working on the interview, and I'm trying my best not to make everything about the characters since I feel like I talked about them too much. Characters are my favorite part of any story, so I tend to love them the most. Still, I want to make a well-rounded interview. I can't wait to do the interview, and I hope you're excited too.

Thanks for making this wonderful story, you have such a beautiful mind and I can't wait to see what you do next. This story deserves so many more reads, it's super underrated. Everyone should go check it out or else Kim Namjoon will shave their eyebrows.

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Hey everyone, I'm on low contact right now, so I'm pretty much just jumping on Wattpad to update and answer a handful of notifs. I'm focusing on school and work, so being on Wattpad is difficult, even just for updating. I'll try to answer your comments when I can, but please be patient. Thank you for supporting this story!