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Behold! My Difficult Roommate - Detailed Feedback

Introduction:

Behold! My Difficult Roommate was written by Harmoniculus. The story follows the protagonist, Kai, as he navigates a mystery where women are disappearing. At the same time, he is also dealing with identity and familial problems, most notably with his father, who puts an insane amount of pressure and stress on him to take over the business.

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Detailed Feedback

What Worked:

I was engaged in Kai's story. I found his personality intriguing and fun to watch unfold. He has clear traits, likes, and dislikes that make him easy to relate to and get invested in. His social anxiety is depicted very well and also very clearly. When characters have clear traits, it makes investing ourselves in their stories far more exciting, and you do a good job making Kai clear and complex at the same time.

Kai is a complex protagonist dealing with a lot of stress from his father. It's like his mother is the angel on his shoulder while his father is the devil, and I appreciate how you incorporated that angel-devil dynamic into the story. Kai thinks less of himself because of his father, but his mother uplifts him and encourages him to follow his dream.

It's also interesting to see a story where not only is there a parent genuinely trying to make their kid's life better, but also one where one parent isn't scared to stand up to the other. Kai's mother stands up for him on numerous occasions, which is very surprising. I'm used to seeing stories where either both parents are bad or the parents are too scared to stand up for their kid.

You did a good job raising questions in the beginning of the story. Right off the bat, I found myself wondering what Kai had against going to the party. Not only the party, but Steph's party. The text heavily implied there was history there, which piqued my interest and got me engaged. It acted as an interesting hook that made me want to know what happened between the two, and also why Kai hates parties.

The scenes where Kai is playing music or describing the feeling of playing music are very well done. I love the way Kai transforms into a seemingly new person when he's in the zone and thinking about his passion. The text feels like it becomes a river flowing so perfectly, and nothing can interrupt the flow. It shows how much Kai loves music and how important it is to him that he goes to France to study his passion.

The mystery surrounding the narrative is cool so far. It's sad that right before Kai is about to apply for a French college and go pursue his passion, he's caught up in this mystery where he's getting texts from an unknown number. It's also a realistic mystery, based on what the text has provided so far. I can believe this type of mystery would happen in real life, and I can believe that an innocent bystander such as Kai would be involved. He was in the wrong place at the wrong time, which makes him feel more relatable.

Jaime is interesting so far and I can't wait to see more of him in future chapters. I want to know more about his motivation and personality. In the short time we've known him, he's caught my eye as someone who has more layers to him than he shows. For example, in the bonus chapter, he's nervous and uses music to bring himself confidence.

Seeing as Kai also uses music as a way to ease his mind, this sets up a potential link between them, even though they have a different taste in music. It may seem like a small thing, but having hobbies in common can make romances feel more believable and natural. They both have something they like to use to escape, and it'd be interesting to see how that plays out in future chapters.

The story has an overall fun feel to it. It has entertaining moments and cute dialogue interactions that make it an enjoyable and easy read. The chapter lengths are pretty good and have enough in them that they don't feel like filler or anything like that, which is why I said this story is an easy read that is easily understandable.