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A Ballad of Falling Light - Detailed Feedback

Intro:

A Ballad of Falling Light is an apply fic that was written by XxFaylinexX. It is a fantasy story with many characters and factions, but most prominently, the Phoinix faction. They are a fire clan known for their military feats, and they are the driving force behind the plot. At the center of it all is Siraj, someone who came up with a deadly plan to stop the fire clan before they get a chance to destroy any more of the world he loves.

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Detailed Feedback

What Worked:

This is my first time actually reading an apply fic, believe it or not. I wasn't sure what to expect since I kind of knew what they were but not really, if that makes sense. But honestly, I thought this was really cool and a wholesome project. It was fun to read the comments and see you interact with everyone. This has nothing to do with the story itself, but I admire your engagement and dedication. It's rare I find authors with such a devotion to the community and to their readers, and I just wanted to take a moment to appreciate you for that.

Moving into the actual story, I think the most obvious thing I should talk about is the fantastical elements and the world. Anyone who clicks on the story will see the time and effort put in to flesh out this world and all the factions within it. To me, reading intro chapters tends to be boring and I want to just get to the main storyline asap; however, while reading the first intro, I was sitting there thinking, "Wait, I'm actually interested? What is this magic?"

I don't think an intro has ever interested me the way the faction intros did. You put so much thought and detail into them down to their appearances and cultural norms. Learning about these new factions was fun, and I appreciated how much work you put in to make each faction stand out. My favorite faction is the Phoinix because of my adoration of birds (my name being "Raven" is a giveaway) and y'know... phoenix. But I also appreciated the other factions, like the Phaos and how they have white hair and eat fungi due to their location/geography. The amount of creativity that went into these factions makes for an engaging read.

Speaking more generally, I like the writing style. I think the style fits the story. I never felt you were going too purple prose-y/over-the-top with your vocabulary. Everything seemed to fit in, which made for an entertaining reading experience.

You didn't spoonfeed your audience either, which I appreciate. You trusted your audience to pay attention and didn't do too much telling over showing except when necessary. For example, whenever there's dialogue happening in a scene, you always incorporate little ticks and quirks to the characters to make them stand out, like in the beginning with all the nervous coughing, glances, and sweaty hesitations. You have things happening around the dialogue, which makes the dialogue feel more realistic, but it also gives the audience a chance to process what's going on and draw their own conclusions.

I don't know if you've ever seen the movie Prisoners, but it's a 2013 mystery thriller directed by my favorite director of all time, Denis Villeneuve. In this movie, a vast majority of it is people talking, and it's one of the only pieces of media where I felt a strong desire to watch people talk. The dialogue was so engaging and intriguing that I wanted them to keep talking. I didn't care about the plot at that point, I just wanted more conversations. I bring that up because I feel you have a similar vibe going on here where you give the dialogue a lot of emphasis, but at the same time, you don't lose sight of the characters, world, themes, and plot either. The dialogue feels realistic and not over-the-top in any way. It also fits in with the era without feeling too fancy or hard to read. That's always one of my biggest worries with fantasy stories: is the dialogue going to be too fancy? You don't have this problem. You don't force fanciness or elegance unless it's for a character who speaks that way, and when they are elegant, they aren't obnoxiously so to the point where it becomes purple prose. Good job with that!