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Our Hyung Updated Review - Detailed Feedback

Intro:

Our Hyung was written by _joonation_. Our Hyung follows the Kim brothers through an emotional and long journey including betrayals, twists and turns, and familial conflicts. It is a BTS fanfiction and it is a character-driven narrative.

I reviewed this story before, but it has since been completed, so the author requested an updated version of the feedback. This feedback will focus on chapters 65 and up as that was around where the story was back when I wrote my original feedback.

I will try not to repeat things I've said, but I'm sure there will be some overlap.

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Detailed Feedback

What Worked:

Before I go into things I liked about the storyline, I would like to focus on things I think you've improved on since the last time I reviewed this story.

To begin, I think much of the word choice is stronger and fits the tone of the narrative more. There are more lines that jumped out to me as interesting with unique and fresh words to keep the sentences feeling diverse.

Just some lines I liked: 

"Hoseok's face was an unreadable canvas..." (75). "Canvas" is a strong word for that situation. Good word choice.

"His heart raced, torn between the reality of the moment and the tormenting memories" and "...he made a frantic effort to rise from the bed, a futile attempt to protect himself..." (84). I like the first sentence a lot due to the "torn between the reality..." part of it. It's a great visual that really helps us see into Jin's character. The same with the second sentence. I like how you included a lot of emotion there to make us really feel what's going on in the scene. The word choice is advanced but not to the point where we're confused, which means you have a great balance between choosing words that are strong without being too unfamiliar that we need to Google what they mean, which is something a lot of authors struggle with.

"Namjoon, always perceptive, dimmed the chandelier lights to a soothing glow..." (94). I really like this sentence structure. I also think this was a good moment for Joon to show his perceptiveness considering the context of the scene/what's happening in that moment. Him stepping up and showing his character traits was a nice detail.

There are many other lines I liked, but those were some that really jumped out to me as being moments of strong word choice/sentence structure.

The dialogue is also stronger and improved as the story went along. It flowed a bit better and I found myself attaching to the characters more due to there being more emotion in the dialogue, both in the way it was written and with the descriptions happening around the dialogue. The stuttering was a little less than I remember, and there was barely any of it in the final chapter, which was good and it helped me read the dialogue a little better.

The character work is clearer than before. I had no issues with your characters last time, but in the most recent chapters, the characters are even more distinct in the sense that they all feel unique to one another with their own personalities, dialogue style, and flaws. 

Now let's move into some specific things I liked about chapters 65 and up.

Minho was fun to read about. Okay, maybe that makes me sound crazy so let me back up and explain why. His attitude and the way he carries himself for the last couple chapters was fun to read since the story had been building to that moment. I like how at first Minho tried to play the manipulation card, but when the secret was clearly out, he just accepted it and had a smirk on his face as he explained himself. It was fun to read about a villain who is glad to be evil. That's what I mean by fun lol I hope that makes me seem less crazy. Long story short, I think you executed his evil plan and his more villainous side well.