Intro:
Their Angel was written by ivna_jung. It follows an innocent Y/n on a journey where she learns of the corruption and deception in the world. It is a BTS fanfiction, so all seven members are featured prominently, but there are also original characters in the mix (not just the Y/n).
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Long Feedback:
I liked the concept of innocence in this. I like how you used it for a purpose instead of just making the Y/n innocent for sake of convenience; her innocence actually matters to the central plot of the story and how the characters act around her. Along with that, even though the story is long in terms of the number of chapters, the chapters themselves are easy to read and feel pretty well paced. Lastly, I enjoyed how you wrote BTS in this. I particularly liked Hoseok and how he was portrayed, and I liked Jimin too (considering Jimin is my bias, I may be a bit biased there, but I really did like him for more than just the "he's Jimin" thing). Hoseok and Jimin were highlights for me. I would say my three favorites were Hoseok, Jimin, and Jin.
There are tense issues where the text incorrectly flip flops between past and present tense. Dialogue is formatted incorrectly since you are formatting it like a script despite this being a book. I would strongly recommend not using script format for books since it makes the dialogue less engaging. So, instead of: YN - Hi, how are you, it should be: "Hi, how are you?" she asked.
If you decide to stick with the script format for dialogue, then don't use dialogue tags (he said, she said, etc.) since they're unnecessary. You're already saying who is speaking by including the name before the line of dialogue, so the tag isn't needed. There are frequent spelling errors, such as "bye" being spelled as "by," and plural form issues like "four man came by him" when it should be "four men came by him." I hope that makes sense.
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Summary:
- Interesting way to write an innocent Y/n
- Easy to read
- Jimin, Hobi, and Jin were interesting
- Grammar errors (dialogue tags and formatting, spelling, tense issues)
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Overall:
Their Angel features a unique spin on the typical innocent Y/n genre where it actually tries something new and uses Y/n's innocence as a way to tell a narrative surrounding the concept of innocence in modern society. Y/n is exposed to different forms of corruption and evil, which causes her to face inner turmoil surrounding her previously innocent mind. If you are a fan of BTS, then I would recommend Their Angel to you.
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Thank you for submitting your story. Even though there were a lot of serious moments and heavy themes, I still found it pretty cute and fun to read. I especially liked Sarang. I didn't say that in the review since I wanted to focus on the more major elements, but I just thought you should know I liked Sarang too!
Please let me know if you have any questions or would like any additional reviews.
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