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Glowing Embers - Detailed Feedback

Intro:

Glowing Embers was written by rustling_wings. It is a Harry Potter fanfiction that follows Ember Selwyn on a journey through Hogwarts. She was once a homeschooled kid who is now entering the magical school as a fourth year. She quickly meets Harry Potter and the rest of the gang, and from there, the plot thickens.

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Detailed Feedback

What Worked:

Man oh man has it been a while since I read a HP story. I was super excited going into this since I've been meaning to return to the HP franchise, and I was not disappointed. Perhaps the thing you do best is capture the magical feel of the Harry Potter world. Every character feels super distinct and there is so much flavor packed into the world.

The writing style feels very energetic and alive; I can tell you have a lot of passion for this story and took a lot of time to write it. I appreciate your effort to bring us your creative ideas since I really enjoyed reading this.

Oh my gosh, this is the second time almost in a row that I've found an author who knows what a prologue is. There is a major difference between a prologue and a chapter, and you actually have a proper prologue. So few authors, especially on Wattpad, know the difference between a prologue and first chapter. It may seem like a small thing to praise, but I really appreciate that you know the difference and wrote a proper prologue!

Okay, okay, moving into the more serious side of the review, I think the prologue was very good. It did a great job establishing tension and setting the scene for the future of the narrative. There were high emotions and clear set up for the future of the story. 

This is a tiny thing, but I wanted to point it out nonetheless. I love the title. It may seem simple on the surface, but it foreshadows the story. Glowing Embers because Ember literally has secrets and power inside her that is yet to be revealed. It's an interesting play on words that also makes for an attractive title!

I love the way you portray Hermione in this. She's super engaging and fun, and you capture her energy very well. I like how you let her show her emotions here and there, and I can't wait to see where you take her next.

Something I also really love is how you gave Neville a lot of spotlight in this. Neville is super underrated, and seeing him not only make an appearance, but a significant one, made my heart happy. He's written well, and I especially enjoyed the scenes where he was scared and shy. That sounds really awful now that I put it like that, but I mean that I liked the way you described his emotions, not that I like seeing him scared and shy 😭😭😭 I probably could have worded that better-

Anyway.

The plot is engaging so far. I like Ember's role in the story, and I actually like how the focus is less on Harry and more on the other characters like Ember, Hermione, and Neville. It makes the plot feel more unique. Not that there's anything wrong with Harry having a prominent role, but having the beginning chapters focus a lot on those three gives us time to see how they play into this larger role that typically Harry Potter himself is the center of. It was a nice change of pace.

The worldbuilding is great. Earlier I mentioned how you capture the feel of Harry Potter well, and that is not only due to the energetic writing style, but also the way the world is described. I can tell you paid close attention to detail while writing these scenes since all the educational moments where we're being taught the details about the world and how the magic works are super in-depth and have lots of layers to them.

Along with that, you take the time to describe the environments and incorporate part of the five senses to bring them to life. It makes the scenes feel much more alive when we get to use our senses to place ourselves in the story.