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Dungeon - Detailed Feedback

Intro:

Dungeon was written by Ablazeisaleo. Taking place in the 2080s, Dungeon follows Bryan Adams, a young man suffering from many forms of trauma who ends up being coerced into a bad situation. After becoming a detective, Bryan fights to solve his past and seek revenge.

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Detailed Feedback

What Worked:

For starters, I like the cover. It's giving an 80s horror movie vibe and I like that about it. The aesthetic is very well done, the colors are engaging and balanced, and the subtexts are easy to read. Going based on the first impression of the book, the cover having a forest as the background is especially eye-catching since the blurb talks about NYC. It's like a juxtaposition, and I think that's interesting.

Seeing as the cover is dark and mysterious, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised by the subject matter in the narrative, but I was still surprised by the subject matter in the narrative. Not because it wasn't introduced well or something like that, but because the book starts with an extremely dark scene, and it was shocking, but in a good way. It set the tone for the rest of the story in a manner that didn't feel forced or rushed.

However, as much as the subject matter is interesting, I was more intrigued by how it was presented. Many authors want to write about darker subjects but don't quite understand the necessity for storytelling elements like tonal consistency. The tone in this story is consistent. I didn't feel any moments of tonal whiplash where the tone suddenly shifted between one mood to another with no explanation. The consistency makes the narrative feel more cohesive, and along with that, mature.

Too many authors will have the characters quipping in serious scenes even when the characters aren't characterized like that. I'm glad this story keeps the characterization consistent and it doesn't get ridiculous or immature in any scenes. The tone helps the themes stand out, but I will talk more about the themes later.

I like the overall aesthetic and presentation of the story. Normally I'm not a huge fan of pictures in stories, but I liked the pictures that were included. There weren't too many, but when they did appear, they added a nice visual for the audience, and it also gave us a chance to breathe and process the information we had just discovered.

Since the pictures come when there are revelations, I think the tactic of giving information then a visual reference works well. We get two ways to process the information since you're now giving us the visual way, and I appreciated that. It's a small touch, but the subtle details matter.

I think you have a pretty good hook. It does an effective job establishing stakes for Bryan's character while also setting up the meat of the plot. I've always believed that the best hooks were the ones that could effectively establish the plot and characters at the same time. The characters give the readers an emotional investment, and the plot piques our interest.

In general, the chapter length is good. Since you have such dark topics in the narrative, I think it was a good decision to balance that out with shorter chapters so the readers have a chance to process what's going on and you don't risk overwhelming them with information. In simpler terms, you put just enough into the chapters to keep the story flowing without it feeling like too much.

While on the topic of chapters and the content they have, I like that you decided to include mini twists. They weren't gigantic revelations (although those are in the story too), but there were smaller, tamer moments where the plot and characters twist in subtle ways. Those subtle moments allow the audience to engage more with what they're reading.