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Love Don't Die Easy - Detailed Feedback

Introduction:

Love Don't Die Easy is a BTS fanfiction written by rarapov1. It covers realistic topics that happen in modern society, so if you are looking for a fic that isn't scared of exploring modern themes, then this story might be for you.

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Detailed Feedback

What Worked:

I've read and reviewed this story a few times before, but I always reread stories for new reviews to see if there were any changes. For that reason, I'm not going to look at my old reviews for my story. If I repeat anything I said from those old reviews, I apologize! I want to keep this review as fresh as possible. I think going in with a new mindset is the best way to ensure you get a fair review of the book.

With all that being said, let's jump into what I think worked for the story!

The character work throughout the story is solid. I enjoyed the small details you put in to characterize the boys without it feeling forced. For example, in chapter 2 when it's stated that everyone secretly steals Jin's shampoo. It's a small, subtle moment, but it not only tells us something about the boys, it also gives us a scent to imagine. The more you can do with one sentence, the better, and that one sentence does a great job characterizing not only Jungkook, but the boys, too.

The themes are admirable. It's interesting to see you take BTS to display themes of things that happen in real life. Seeing as BTS, irl, are very down-to-earth and passionate about topics such as these, I think it was a smart decision to incorporate such themes into your narrative. I also think Taehyung was a good choice for the protagonist since he is one of the youngest and can be seen as more relatable by the younger audience.

The descriptions are pretty good in the story. There was good word choice and solid vocabulary used throughout. As I mentioned earlier, there are subtle characterizations through the descriptions. There is great attention to detail to make each character feel real. Not only that, but the world feels descriptive and interesting as well.

I'm glad you didn't shy away from describing BTS' physical appearances. A lot of BTS fanfic writers avoid it because they assume we already know what BTS looks like. Well yeah, we do, but having the descriptions makes us far more invested in the story. Oh, and y'know, I doubt anyone would ever complain about a nice description of the BTS members.

I like the relationship Taehyung has with the other characters. Every dynamic feels very realistic. For example, sometimes their relationships feel tense, but not because anything happened, rather because the tension is in Taehyung's mind. It feels like Taehyung is fabricating the tension. I think that's a good thing since Taehyung is a very paranoid character. Other times, the relationships feel closer than ever. The relationships going up and down between tense and close makes sense and fits in with the theme of the book.

While on the topic of characters, I think Taehyung is an engaging protagonist with realistic character traits and flaws. For example, I was engaged in the beginning during the first one-on-one conversation Jungkook and Taehyung had. Taehyung was very defensive and reactive, which makes sense considering what he's going through, and it also fits in with the theme of the story. Everything ties into the theme, and I enjoyed that. Taehyung is a vessel for the theme, but he also stands on his own.

Overall, I think the characters are the strongest part of the story, which is good because they are the driving force behind the emotions and impact of the narrative.

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What Didn't Work:

There are tense issues where the tense flip flops between past and present tense incorrectly. You are writing in past tense, so present tense should be used very rarely in specific cases (such as character thoughts). 

There are a lot of long paragraphs in the story, and most of them feel like they can be broken up. I'm reading on my laptop, so if it's long for me on my laptop, it's much longer for those reading on phone, which is what a majority of Wattpad readers use. I would recommend breaking the paragraphs up more to make them easier to read.

Sometimes, the sentence structure is repetitive, which factors into the long paragraphs. There are a lot of times where you have long sentences with two or more commas, but most notably, two commas.

For example: "Can you hug me?" he asked, keeping his voice quiet and unsure, avoiding the question.

I actually have no issue with that sentence, I'm just using that as an example to show you what I'm talking about. The sentences are very frequently formatted like that. Of course, it's fine to use that formatting, but it is frequent enough that I noticed it. I would recommend playing around with your sentence structure a bit more.

Sometimes the sentences being long is unnecessary, and by that I mean, sometimes there are things added to the sentence that don't need to be there. For example, "...regardless of how disgusting his body felt right now, he was at peace, mind at ease." The "mind at ease" feels unnecessary since the "he was at peace" already implies that. I hope that makes sense.

While on the topic, sometimes the chapters feel too long. Some of the chapters are twenty-five minutes long, and there's even one that's over thirty minutes long. I have no issue with longer chapters (heck, I write them), all I'm saying is you can cut them down by limiting how long the paragraphs are and making sure you're including only what's necessary. That's something to consider when writing future works.

The pacing can be slow at times because of how long the chapters and paragraphs can get, so, again, I would recommend making sure you're only including what you feel is absolutely necessary.

Sometimes the quotation marks are incorrect. They'll be ' instead of ". That's a nitpick, but it does happen enough to be noticeable and I thought I'd bring it to your attention.

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Summary:

- Good character work

- Interesting theme

- Solid descriptions

- Nice character dynamics

- Engaging protagonist

- Tense issues

- Consider limiting how many long paragraphs there are

- Consider playing around more with sentence structure

- Consider limiting how long certain chapters are

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Overall:

Love Don't Die Easy is an intriguing story with good characterization right from the start. It is engaging enough to suck anyone in, regardless of if you're familiar with the fandom or not. I would recommend this story to those looking for a more thought-provoking read.

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Thank you for submitting your story. It was fun to read this story again after some time away from it. I hope this feedback is helpful, and I hope most of it was stuff I didn't say in the past.

Please let me know if you have any questions or need any further reviews!