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Crooks: Betrayed By Blood - Detailed Feedback

Introduction:

Crooks: Betrayed By Blood is a new adult fiction story by That_One_Thespian that follows Cynthia as she attempts to unravel the murder of her father, which she was framed for. To anyone looking for an engaging read, you should check this story out.

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Detailed

What Worked:

For starters, I think the premise is very strong and eye-catching. A child gets framed by her own mother and now has to find out who the true culprit is without knowing it's the one person who should have her back no matter what. It's a captivating premise that is full of drama since we know more than Cynthia does.

I cannot believe how young you are. Don't call me old, but when I was your age, I could barely form sentences. It's impressive how you were able to put together this story. You write better than a lot of full-grown adults I know, so you definitely have a bright future assuming you continue writing, which I think you should.

I was pleasantly surprised by the worldbuilding and how New York is depicted. As a New Yorker, I get tired of how New York is portrayed in modern media. It's always inaccurate to what life is actually like in New York. I don't know if you're from New York or not, but you did a good job showing New York City. I wasn't alive during the 60s-70s, but from what I know about that period and also based on the modern NYC, your depiction of it seems very accurate.

I like how you use specifics when you talk about the characters and world. For example, you tell us the specific names for locations, even if they're small. You'd be surprised how many authors don't do that and instead say something like "Let's meet at xxxx cafe later." It's refreshing to see an author who is specific. Those details seem small, but they make the story feel more alive.

Along with that, you give specifics when it comes to the characters, such as the vanilla latte and Watership Down in chapter 7. It gives small character details, like their hobbies and even their preferred reading genres.

Okay, I'm a bit biased since Watership Down was the book my dad read to me when I was a kid, but I still think it's a great detail to specify what books are being read instead of just saying "She was reading a book."

I like how you show us the mom's POV. Although she's undoubtedly a terrible person, it was nice to get her perspective instead of you just making her pure evil for the sake of being evil. She has layers to her instead of being one-note and "I'm gonna murder my husband because he cheated." There are more reasons than that, and you giving her her own POVs to highlight that worked very well, in my opinion.

I also like Cynthia's POV starting with after she's released from prison. It's interesting to see her perspective considering she lost her entire childhood (unknowingly) because of her mother.

It's a little early in the story for me to say much about the character development, but the characters as they are now are interesting. I like Cynthia and I sympathize with her. I wonder how she is going to grow and change as the story progresses since she didn't have much of a childhood.

I liked how you made her a bit resentful toward her mother. After all, I'd be mad too if my mom thought I was a murderer. It's good to see several sides of Cynthia. I feel for a character like her, it's easy to make her flat and one-dimensional, but Cynthia does not have that problem. Even though she needs to learn a lot, she still has personality and clear traits.

The cover is very aesthetically pleasing. It caught my eye immediately, so major props to the designer. Having a good cover is super important for bringing potential readers in, and I think the cover does an excellent job at doing just that.