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The Camboy - Detailed Feedback

Introduction:

The Camboy was written by JeonsBathWater. It follows Nevan and Tieran in a mini cat and mouse game. Tieran is a mysterious cam boy who Nevan watches. One day, when Tieran joins the company Nevan is employed at, their cat and mouse game begins as they attempt to figure out their attraction for one another, and Nevan attempts to figure out where he knows Tieran from.

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Detailed Feedback

What Worked:

The set up is interesting. There are a lot of moving parts in the plot that haven't been explored yet since it's only the beginning, but so far, there are some pieces of the puzzle you're throwing in the narrative to make it more engaging and make readers wonder what you're going to do with these plot points and character moments.

I'll talk more about this later, but I thought the chapter length was fine. Normally shorter chapters can throw me off a bit, but I thought this worked for the story and it made the book feel easy to understand and read. The same applies to the overall sentence structure and feel of the narrative. It was easy to digest and it's pretty straightforward, and there's nothing wrong with being straightforward.

I liked the idea of the cat and mouse game where Nevan doesn't know Tieran exactly, but he gets the feeling he does and he starts trying to figure it out. The cat and mouse game doesn't last long since Nevan finds out pretty quickly, but it lasts long enough to give the readers a sense of intrigue in where the narrative is going to go.

I like Rhys so far. He's a good side character that enhances the story and the protagonists without taking the spotlight away from them. He has an intriguing personality and I like some of the interactions he has with Tieran and Nevan, and I would like to see more of him in the future of the story.

I'd like to know more about Tieran since I find his character engaging. It's early in the story so it's understandable that I don't know much about him yet. I'd like to get to know more about his interest in software and how he's doing with this double life between being a company worker but also a cam boy at night. I think he has a sense of mystique surrounding him that makes the audience wonder who he is.

I'd love to see Tieran and Nevan interact more casually in the future since I'm curious how their dynamic will play out. We're in the beginning stage of the story, so we've really only seen the sexual tension and cat and mouse game, not any long interactions between the two. I think you're doing a good job setting it up. As I mentioned earlier, there is a lot you're setting up in the beginning of the story that I'm sure will be paid off later.

We got one small scene where Tieran gave Nevan a massage. It felt like a little tease for what was to come since the scene was short but seemed to be setting up their future conversations. I'd be curious to see the direction you take their relationship and how they're going to work together considering A) their attraction to one another and B) Tieran's knowledge that Nevan watches him, and vice versa, Nevan's knowledge that Tieran's a cam boy.

Typically I'm not a huge fan of images in stories, but I think they worked here and added to the feel you were going for. You didn't use so many that it became distracting, but you used enough that it was a prominent feature. It was a nice detail that didn't overstay its welcome.

This is another small thing, but I thought I'd mention it: I like how all the chapter names are in all caps. I'm the last person to support all caps (and the proof is in this review shop where I always tell people to avoid all caps), but for chapter titles, I'm okay with it. I think it makes the titles pop, and considering Nevan's character feels like he's being set up as someone with a lot of emotions inside him that he hasn't had a chance to let loose, the all caps for the titles almost feel like Nevan's way of communicating to the audience what he's feeling.