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The Barrier Between Us - Detailed Feedback

Introduction:

The Barrier Between Us is a science-fiction story by merosan97, following Akio and Mayu, the protagonists, through different dimensions. It is an original story featuring many twists and turns that will keep the audience interested.

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Detailed Feedback

What Worked:

Not to be vulgar or blunt, but this story has balls.

My apologies for the vulgar term, but I feel other words like brave don't quite do the book justice. There are consequences for the character's actions, and the ending (which I will not spoil) actually follows through with the big decision about one of the two central characters. Most stories nowadays do takebacksies where they undo their choices.

*cough the Star Wars and Marvel franchises cough*

So I respect you for having the courage to follow through with your decisions. Unfortunately, most authors let their attachment overtake what's best for the story. I've seen countless authors change a character's fate or the plot's course of action because they don't want to hurt the things they created. It's refreshing that isn't the case here.

Although I may be biased because I enjoy concepts like these, I think the concept and plot are interesting. The concept of different dimensions is fascinating, and I can tell you have a solid idea of the story itself and what you wanted in it.

The story has direction that drives the plot. While I do not want to go too deeply into spoilers because I encourage anyone who isn't the author to read this book, I will say the ending is the standout of the story, and I think you wrapped Akio and Mayu's characters up well.

There was some good, subtle characterizations as well. One example is in the beginning with the 4,000+ letters that I will go more into detail on later.

There was some good word choice as well. I will go more into word choice later; however, you do a good job at painting the scene for the audience, especially landscapes and the mental image of these different dimensions.

No matter which dimension we're in, we're always shown, not told, what it looks like. There are great landscape descriptions and I like how the descriptions change depending on who is describing it. Mayu tends to be more forgiving to Tekan while Akio is a bit more brutal with the word choice, which is super interesting and a nice detail.

While on the topic, I also like how specific you are with the dimensions and the timestamps. You always let the reader know when you're switching dimensions, and sometimes you get as specific as putting what time it is. It's a small thing, but it helps the reader immerse themselves in the story.

Along with that, you also signal time changes by using either bold or italics (mostly bold), which makes it even more clear. Considering this is a complicated story with lots of world, the more clear you are, the better, so that's a great thing to include in the story.

I rarely give out compliments to titles because I tend to have my priorities elsewhere, such as the characters. However, I think your title fits the narrative well. There is quite literally a barrier between the two main characters, so it kind of makes me chuckle thinking about it. It's a nice play on words that also alludes to Mayu's isolation.

There were some nice scenes between Akio and Mayu, like the one where Akio is describing fireworks is very cute.

In general, it's cute how Mayu is confused about so many things, such as pinky promises and fireworks. It makes her more likable since we get to see Akio teach her about beautiful things. It makes them feel more emotionally connected.