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The Lost Chronicles of a Villainess - Detailed Feedback

Intro:

The Lost Chronicles of a Villainess was written by savirakkin. It follows the protagonist, Naomi, as she ventures into the realms of novels as a Traveler. However, after entering the Twelfth circle, unknown variables and new quests challenge what Naomi is used to. Naomi must overcome these obstacles and complete her tasks, but the unknown variable that followed her into the Twelfth circle makes that almost impossible to do.

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Detailed Feedback

What Worked:

Aesthetically, the book has great presentation. The cover is very nice with great font choice and text placement, a clear and elegant background image, and an overall great vibe that clues us in on what the story is going to be about. Along with that, the title is unique and sparks curiosity. Lastly, the blurb is good and tells the reader what they're getting into without being too spoiler-y. I normally don't point out things like covers, but since all three of your core presentation items (title, cover, and blurb) are good, I figured I'd comment on it. I also just really like the cover and it attracted me to the story before I even clicked on it.

I wrote a story where characters would jump into video game worlds back in about 2018 on a different website, so I may be biased when I say this since I like these ideas, but I like the concept. The concept of a Traveler going into a novel's world and changing the course of events is super interesting and makes for a nice premise to drive the narrative forward. It certainly captured my attention when I read the blurb, and it captured my attention even more the more I read the first couple chapters.

In general, the plot is good and one of my favorite parts of the story. It has a solid concept to back it up. The plot makes sense and I didn't notice any plot holes. Along with that, the pacing is pretty good other than some small things with description I'll get into later. The actual pacing of the plot events is good and I don't have any criticisms for it.

The first chapter does a good job setting up mystery. The second half of the first chapter, when Naomi enters the Twelfth circle, gives Naomi and the audience clues to figure out together. You don't spoon feed us the answers right away and instead make Naomi work to solve the various mysteries. At the same time, you give characteristics to the System. I wasn't expecting the System to play such a big role in this, but I'm glad my expectations were subverted since that added to my entertainment while reading.

Throughout the entire book that has been published so far, there are high stakes and suspense to keep us invested. You don't let any of the chapters feel dull or like filler, which is imperative for keeping a reader engaged.

This is a small thing, but small things matter. I like how Naomi doesn't have a real "body" and her eyes are the only things that really stay the same no matter where she goes. It fits with her character and sets up her internal conflict early on without being too on the nose about it. Those subtle details add up and make Naomi a more interesting character as a result, which is why I wanted to take a moment to appreciate that smaller detail.

I won't spoil anything major since I want to encourage people to read your book and see the plot for themselves; however, I will (vaguely) say I liked the twist of what the unknown variable ends up being. It was a nice way to tie the beginning of the story into the main plot, and it also provided another obstacle for Naomi's character. Seeing as we know how Naomi feels about her life, we (the readers) feel a lot of tension since we really don't know what she'll do. She could go either way: stick with her mission or seek out the unknown variable. Having that aspect of unpredictability made reading the book very fun.

If I'm not mistaken, the book Don't Blame a Daydreamer is completely fictional. Whether it's a real book or one you made up for this novel, it's the perfect choice for Naomi's character and what she goes through. It's already difficult enough to write a book, but you're writing a book within a book. Not only is that, like I mentioned earlier, a really cool concept, but it's also impressive that you're doing worldbuilding for two different worlds. Though the narrative mostly follows the Twelfth circle, having bits of worldbuilding in the prologue and with the System adds to the feel that there are multiple moving worlds Naomi is drifting between, which also adds to her personality.