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Hey Eomma, Hey Appa - Detailed Feedback

Introduction:

Hey Eomma, Hey Appa is a BTS fanfiction by SongYeEun2500 that follows Jungsoo and Jungkook as they navigate their past by means of a time travel machine. It's a very engaging fic that appeals to enjoyers of the time travel genre.

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Detailed Feedback

What Worked:

You do a good job of building tension in the story. Chapter 3 is an example of that. In general, the entire story does a good job revealing information at a steady pace instead of all at once. The pacing is solid and I enjoyed the way the story moved.

I also like how this story doesn't solely focus on Jungkook. It's different. Most BTS fanfics focus primarily on the BTS member(s), and the original character(s) don't get as much spotlight. I'm glad you took a creative risk and decided to have the plot be centered around Jungkook, but the protagonist is Jungsoo. Or, at least, that's the impression I have so far. It seems as though the mystery builds around Jungkook, but it's up to Jungsoo to figure it out.

I think the characters are all very good. I like how they have different dynamics with each other. Each character has a specific role in the story that makes them stand out.

I think Jungsoo is my favorite based on his passion and determination. He has strong traits, and I think you're building him up to be very important with interesting flaws and setbacks he'll face more of later.

Another thing I want to mention is that there's only seven chapters (haha, BTS number) so far. I'm not here to talk about the number of chapters, but rather how I didn't notice I had already gotten to the end of the published parts until, well, I was there. It took me by surprise when I realized I had already read everything, which is a good thing because that meant I was immersed throughout my time reading.

When a reader loses track of time because of your work, that's a great thing that shows you do a good job engaging your audience.

Along with that, the worldbuilding is pretty good. You give exposition but you don't dump it on readers all at once; you let the story take priority and slip in bits of necessary exposition where you see fit, along with making subtle lines to allude to the world the characters are in.

Those small, subtle moments of worldbuilding through dialogue give the audience a sense of world without breaking their immersion in the story. I always love it when sci fi concepts aren't exposition dumped, so I appreciate you taking the time to flesh out the world over the course of the seven chapters instead of just dumping it on us at the beginning.

The story itself is very creative and takes the time traveler au in a different direction that isn't cliche or overused. Considering I just watched Back To The Future recently, I myself am a little time-traveled out, but this story was refreshing and executed the concept well.

Part of that is due to the good pacing and worldbuilding while the other part is due to you having a solid grasp on what you wanted to do with the story. It seems you have a clear image in your mind for what you want, and I respect that.

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What Didn't Work:

I don't have that many suggestions, but they might take a lil bit to explain.

Let's start with technical suggestions.

For starters, there are some dialogue tag errors. When using a dialogue tag, unless it is a proper noun, it needs to be lowercase regardless of what the sentence ends with. For example, from the first chapter: