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Sensual Redamancy - Detailed Feedback

Introduction:

Sensual Redamancy was written by erotic_vixen. The story follows the protagonist, Sofia, as she is backed into a corner and has to marry a man named Dominic to save her family. It features angst, steamy scenes, and alternating first-person POVs.

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Detailed Feedback

What Worked:

Thank you for writing consistently in UK English. Too many authors combine both UK and US English, but your story is consistently in UK English and I really appreciated that. I know it sounds like a small thing, but most of the stories I read use both UK and US English.

Now, I'm guilty of this because I physically cannot bring myself to write theatre as theater even though I'm American and use US English, but it's still nice to see consistency and I appreciate that you went the extra mile to keep everything in UK English instead of combining the two. It's a small detail that shows me you're paying attention to what you're writing and your word choice.

While on the topic of word choice, there was some very interesting word choice throughout the narrative. A highlight for me was "...his fingers spearing through my damp hair" in chapter 7. The use of "spearing" was super thought-provoking and eye-catching. I also like how the word wasn't over-the-top but it still packed a punch and was unique. Those are the best types of descriptions, in my opinion: the ones that are eye-catching without forcing you to open Google to know what it means.

I liked the structure of the story being a back and forth between Sofia and Dominic's POV. It never felt forced or out of place when their POVs came about. You ended chapters where they needed to end in order to get to the next POV that would provide additional context and advance the story.

None of the chapters felt too long or too short, which I admire since a lot of authors get that wrong, especially when writing an alternating POV. You did a good job making each chapter feel important and not like filler to get to the next POV.

Dominic has an interesting speech style that makes him easy to tell apart from the others. He obnoxiously uses curse words even if it makes the sentences awkward, and I like that about him. It makes him stand out from the others and it also characterizes the type of person he is. 

Seeing as he was raised by such a demon of a father, it makes sense that his sentences would be filled with more intensity and awkwardness from him trying to fit in or trying to discover how he wants to converse with others. It makes his dialogue sound realistic. Normally I wouldn't be in favor of awkward dialogue, but it works in his case and it makes his speech style pop. We understand he's the one speaking without being need to be told he is, if that makes sense.

I like how Dom yearns for closeness and being cared for. It feels like most male characters in Wattpad stories don't have much personality outside being cold, possessive, and dominant. I like how you give him a chance in his POV to express a desire for love and closeness. Men want closeness too, and I'm glad you showed that.

I'm being 110% serious when I say thank you for making Sofia strawberry blonde. It seems so small and maybe even silly to say, but I can't recall a time I saw a strawberry blonde protagonist. Not just a general redhead but specifically a strawberry blonde. I'm strawberry blonde and I always have people tell me "you're just saying that to say you aren't ginger" or "that's not a real hair color." I know that sounds like a silly thing to point out, but it made me very happy to see a strawberry blonde since I don't see many protagonists with my hair color.

Another thing that seems small but is actually really important: you do dialogue tags right and you don't have tense issues. I cannot stress enough that I never find authors who use dialogue tags correctly. I've judged well over a hundred books in contests, and I can count on one hand how many have done dialogue tags correctly. You keep them lowercase unless they are a proper noun, and you use the correct punctuation.