Intro:
This feedback is for the book Monsters & Magic (cool title btw) by TAHuber. In Monsters & Magic, we follow Seth and Cora on their adventure that starts off distrusting but builds over time, making for satisfying character development.
~~~
Long Feedback (5-8 sentences):
Ironically, I just wrote a story where the female protagonist was named Cora, so maybe I'm biased, but I like Cora in this story. You say she starts rough, but I don't think "rough" is the right word; I think she starts unlikable, then becomes likable, which is not a flaw. A character starting off as unlikable can actually be better than a likable character because they grow and change, meaning the audience has a stronger attachment to them than, say, a character they liked the whole time. The grammar is overall solid other than one thing I'll mention in the next section. Along with that, the worldbuilding is very interesting and well-written, and it allows the readers to get immersed in the story easily, so great job!
While the grammar is solid, you do have comma splices throughout the story. For example, from the first chapter, "He sighed, and retreated back up the corridor..." In that sentence, the comma after "sighed" is unnecessary and is a comma splice. "He sighed and retreated back up the corridor" is all one clause, meaning you don't need a comma anywhere in that sentence. I'd also suggest using "threw a look" and "threw a glance" less often because those phrases appear a lot and get stale after a while. Otherwise, I have no suggestions.
~~~
Summary:
- Cora is great
- Overall solid grammar
- Interesting worldbuilding
- Comma splices
- Consider using the phrases "threw a look" and "threw a glance" less often
~~~
Overall:
Monsters & Magic is a great story with dynamic characters, an interesting plot, good grammar, and well-written worldbuilding. If that doesn't convince you to read it, I don't know what will. I strongly recommend this story to everyone regardless of your preferred genres because this is a short read, with the current read time (at time of reviewing) being only 47 minutes for all the chapters published so far. So why not try it?
~~~
Thank you for submitting your story. I really like these types of stories, so I'm not surprised I enjoyed this. You have an engaging writing style with good character work. I'm excited to see the future of your work, and I hope you keep writing.
Please let me know if you have any questions or if you ever need me to review anything else!
YOU ARE READING
Review Shop - Quotev And Wattpad (CLOSED)
Short Story~CLOSED TO CATCH UP ON APPLICATIONS~ Free reviews and detailed feedback for authors of all sizes. I read any book, including fanfics and books with mature content. Even if I don't know the fanfic fandom, I will still read and judge it based on other...
