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Charades - Detailed Feedback

Intro:

Charades was written by d1ttoo. It follows a young woman, Ahira, as she struggles to live with her father. After exposing another person's dirty laundry, she begins to search for dirt on the mysterious man named Silas, who everyone says is kind, but Ahira discovers is a huge jerk.

Since you're going to edit the story after you complete it, I'm going to try to do an equal balance of feedback for the first half and the second half, although I might naturally end up talking about the second half more since there are more plot events and character developments later on. Still, I hope my feedback is helpful!

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Detailed Feedback

What Worked:

Chapter 5 had a lot of great character moments for Ahira and numerous thought-provoking sentences. The part where the text talks about everyone having a secret, then it says, "mine was that me and the girl in the mirror were the same person" was incredible. That is such a deep, powerful line. Not to be cliche, but it sent shivers down my spine. I was making mac and cheese while reading on my iPad, and I had to pause and make a note just so I could mention that specific line in this review. I liked that line so much that I stopped making my mac and cheese. Let that sink in.

Slight trigger warning for ab/se for anyone reading who isn't the author. I want to take a moment and talk about the relationship between Ahira and her father. I think it was executed very, very well. Not only in the sense that it's realistic, but Ahira's thoughts toward her father broke my heart (in a good way). Her thinking she owes him because he didn't abandon her even when she misbehaved is so heartbreaking but also so real for those who have struggled with these types of parents in their lives.

It's a heartbreaking reality that is an admirable theme, and I think it's handled with maturity and tonal consistency.

Typically I really dislike the bold, sassy, and savage female leads. They come off as too over-the-top to me; however, I think Ahira is great. She had a great balance between her bold side and her more grounded side. The struggles she goes through that I explained above made me sympathize with her and want to see her succeed.

Along with that, I feel her personality makes sense unlike many of the bold female leads I read in other stories. In my interpretation of the work, her boldness and confidence is her way of taking control of something in her life since she can't control her father and what he does to her. It's her way of coping with what happens at home, and beyond that, it's her way of setting up her walls so no one tries to pry into her home life.

I honestly think Ahira's interesting enough that I can read an entire story about just her and her father's relationship. Not that I don't like the other characters or the plot, but Ahira's personality and backstory captured my attention from the very first chapter. She's guarded but has her weak spots, like when she let Silas investigate her bruises near the beginning of the story.

I like how Ahira exposing Theo is treated with severity and it gives her a certain reputation that sticks with her. I love how that doesn't go away and it keeps coming up throughout the story. Even though it seems like a small thing, keeping her characterization consistent and making these huge events in a character's life matter later in the story is super interesting and makes me feel like what I'm reading matters. It makes me feel more attached to the text to know that what the characters do will impact the plot later in ways I may not expect. It keeps me on the edge of my seat.

Silas has more depth than I was expecting. His POV in chapter 8 was much-needed and provided a lot of mystery surrounding him and his personality. At first, I saw him as the bad boy who acts nice around everyone, but he became more than that. I appreciate that you gave him more detail, and that helped get me more invested in Silas and Ahira's relationship.