Chapter 60

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A few weeks later, I drop the subject of us having a daughter as each time I bring it up he gets so mad and I get scared. I would have dropped it sooner if I was able too, but those thoughts would push their way back inside my head. It always left me trying to reason with him, which by now I should know it never will work.

I don't know what I'll do if I end up having a daughter. I'm trying to be a good wife, but I won't be able to just lay down and let them kill my baby if it's a girl, I just won't be able to.

I love the life growing inside of me and even though it's our family tradition, I don't think I could ever get used to it, I don't think I will ever be able to let it happen without trying to save the baby and not just my baby.

Deep down, I know I would try to save any female child if I could.

Colton's a good husband, he's been making sure I have everything I need for the pregnancy. Always making sure the kitchen stays stocked up on pickles and Cheeto puffs. He makes sure nobody else is allowed to eat them, not even himself. He said he doesn't want to face me when I'm having a craving much less him being the one that has eaten my food, as that's what I've been craving.

He started to carry me down the steps to the living room every morning instead of leaving me upstairs all day without TV. I told him it wasn't necessary. I could stay up stairs a few days and read but he said he felt like he was abandoning me up there alone.

Who was I to argue with that?

He makes sure I have the remote close by and he always  places snacks and drinks on the side table closest to me before heading outside for the day.

It's a sweet gesture.

I'm lucky to have a man to take such good care of me.

Ally's stopped screaming last week, I think she is finally starting to understand her place in this life now, which is about time.

Numerous times throughout the night I have asked Colton to stop her dang screaming.

I feel for her, but sheesh I'm as big a whale now and would like to get as much sleep as I can without having to be woken up by yelling curse words every night.

The baby has recently been kicking in my stomach so much that I haven't been able to get enough sleep and with Ally's screaming well that wasn't much help either.

So, I kinda feel bad for basically sicking Colt on her but fuck sake, a mom needs her sleep.

I am exhausted.

The mother has been bringing me my meals throughout the day as Colton and his brother are getting back ready for the warm months with the animals.

She is always complaining about Ally not eating, she has to force feed her every meal  by Cain's instructions, she isn't allowed out the room until every drop of food is inside Ally.

At least the asshole cares about his child.

That's not a problem for me. I eat all my meals happy to give my child the food it needs to grow strong, but each night I pray to God to let my baby be a boy, it's fucking with my head lately but for this family, we need a boy.

I have been through it so much I don't know how I'll be able to handle that, I don't even recognize myself anymore.

Will I be so happy that it's a boy, so they won't kill it, or will I have no choice but to watch them get rid of my daughter and if that happens can I be the perfect Wife Colton expects me to be and just let that happen?

I ask myself almost every day, I'm torn. Feeling like I have two different sides, and it's frustrating and scary.

Lucky has been sticking close to me since I became sick, but the bleeding is slowing down, which is why I'm allowed back downstairs and Lucky's been keeping me company on all those long days.

The mother moving around the house right now cleaning as she trips over the vacuum cord, vacuuming the living room rug and I want to laugh so badly because she deserves to fall on her face but nothing comes out, I think I'm broke.

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