Hush || Traphouse FF

Ch. 59

Sam's POV:

First person

I was in my room with my head in my hands. Tears rolled down my cheeks as I sobbed quietly.

It was about 2am here in L.A, and it was safe to say I was not okay.

It had been roughly a week since me and Macy had broken up, yet it was still so difficult.

I loved her a lot, and seeing her with Jake just makes my heart break a little every time. Now that she's gone its better, but I still crave her love and touch.

It's pretty difficult to keep a straight face around the roomates sometimes, let alone when Jake and Macy are together.

My feet rested on the ledge on my bed, my elbows resting on my knees with my face buried into my hands.

More stifled sobs slipped out as I cried. Life was so unfair. This was all my fault anyways. I'm just some lame loser youtuber that can't keep a girlfriend.

It was all just so hard to keep in, to keep laughing, to keep smiling, while inside I was a huge broken mess. I haven't felt truly happy in forever.

I need help.

~time skip~

I woke up as light shined into my room. I got up slowly and rubbed my eyes. My face was puffy and my pillow was still slightly damp from my breakdown last night.

I sighed and threw on a shirt, hoodie, and sweatpants before walking to the bathroom and staring at the mirror.

My eyes were bloodshot and red around the outsides while my lips frowned. I looked really pale besides the redness and overall kinda sick.

I sighed as fixed my hair and brushed my teeth before heading downstairs. I hope nobody is up.

As I walked into the kitchen, I saw Corey and Colby talking. I put on a weak smile to look less.. Well.. Depressed.

I opened a cupboard and pulled out a bowl and then a box of fruit loops. I poured it in as Colby walked to the opposite end of the island, drumming his fingers against the counter.

"Morning." He said as I pulled a spoon from a drawer.

"Morning.." I mumbled as I yawned tiredly, still trying to keep a gentle expression.

"You alright dude? You look like you didn't sleep a lot." Colby looked at me with concerned eyes as his lips turned into a frown.

"Mhm. I didn't really." I admitted. "I don't know why." I lied, rubbing the back of my neck.

Colby nodded. "Understandable. Welp we are gonna film a reaction video later if you're up for it."

I groaned internally. I knew I had to do the video or everyone would think something is up and then blah blah blah now everybody's worried.

I nodded. "Sure as long as I can like- take a nap or something." I said as I took a few bites of my cereal.

"Okay." Colby smiled as he walked away.

My smile quickly disappeared as he walked out of view. I quickly finished eating my cereal and went back to my room and collapsed on my bed, a wave of exhaustion soothing me to sleep.

~time skip~

I woke up as someone tapped me on the shoulder. I rubbed my eyes and blinked them open to see Corey, Colby, Elton, and Devyn all in my room as I sat up.

"Oh, finally." Corey sighed as I sat up, my mind still slightly foggy from my sleep.

"Hm.. Yeah?" I mumbled as they all looked at me concerned.

"You wouldn't wake up at first. I guess you were just in a deep sleep or something." Colby shrugged, looking at him with worried eyes.

"Welp. I'm alive now." I sighed, my energy still drained. Even though I took a nap, I still felt tired and sluggish.

"We are gonna film the video if you're still in." Elton said as Corey walked out with Devyn, Colby still remaining in my room.

"Yep, just give me a minute." I said as I swung my legs off the side of the bed, standing up slowly.

"Alright." Elton walked out and I went to follow him out but Colby held my back by my shoulder and I looked back at him with my brows furrowed.

"Uh.. Yeah?" I asked as I turned to face him.

"Sam? Are you okay?" Colby asked quietly and gently, making my eyes water slightly. All I wanted to do was cry into his shoulder and stay there forever. Also, a hug sounded really good right now as I was definitely not okay.

I took a moment to reply. "Mhm..!" I hummed half-heartedly. "Why do you ask?"

"Sam.. Please be honest. No offense but you don't look okay, and you've been acting weird." Colby said softly as I chewed on my lip, looking anywhere but him.

"I-" I started but my voice cracked, unable to speak as tears filled my eyes. "I'm f-fine Colby. Just-" I took a deep breath. "I'm fine."

"Are you trying to convince me or yourself?" Colby asked, clearly not believing me.

"Colby-" I started.

"No Sam, please. Be honest. I'm your best friend, you can tell me anything!" Colby said, walking towards me.

I backed away slightly. "I said I'm fine, if this is your version of telling me that I look bad then thanks a lot." I snapped. "Just tell them I'm not doing the video anymore." I sighed angrily as I walked away, grabbing my keys and my phone off my desk before doing so.

Colby stood there with his mouth agape as I walked away and downstairs, heading towards the door.

"Oh- Sam-" Aaron started as he saw me but I pushed past him, opening the front door before closing it roughly.

I walked out to my car and turned it on, pulling out of the driveway and out of the gate. I didn't know where I was going or what I was going to do, but anything to get away from people.

I ended up in some parking lot almost 20 minutes away from the house. It was around 4 o'clock at this point and I had quite a few missed calls and texts from Colby and the rest of the roommates, either asking where I was or what I was doing. Colby was mostly apologizing and left me a few voicemails.

I just sighed and pressed my forehead against the wheel as I closed my eyes. I didn't want to cry again. This really wasn't just Macy. It was pain built over the years of just convincing myself everything is okay and to keep moving on with a smile.

That shit cuts deep. It becomes almost like a cage that traps your mind from ever thinking right again.

I buried my head into my hands, ruffling my hair doing so. Everything is falling apart, I am falling apart.

Suddenly, I felt a pair of cold hands wrap around my neck and yank it up as I came face to face with a shadow figure with a wide smile on its face.

Everything then went black.

Word count: 1292

(Author's note): Teehee! 🤭

Anyways this chapter really reflects on mental help.

I am telling you guys, if you feel yourself slipping, please talk to somebody. I promise there are people in the world including me who truly cared about you.

Even if you message me or comment, anything works. I promise you are not alone and me and others will be here with you every step of the way.

Promise me all my lovely readers, please, stay safe out there. I truly appreciate every single one of you and I wouldn't want you guys to be upset.

🫶