66. Never Going Back

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I wasn't helped down the stairs, I didn't want to call for anyone. It might have taken a while, but I made it down without dying.

I took that as an accomplishment.

But as I entered the living room, everyone was sat around, eyes down on the ground or in their lap. When my boot signaled that I was in the doorway, everyone's bodies came back to life.

But it was different. Every smile was forced, every movement tense. The only one who didn't move, was Zayn.

"What's wrong?" I ask quickly, my eyes trained on my brother, so no one else spoke. "Zayn?"

"Nothing, Marley." He mumbles quietly.

"Obviously something is bugging you. Or, everyone." I take in a deep breath. Edward looks over at Zayn before he let out a deep sigh.

"Marley, I know what the letter said." Edward tells me and the atmosphere around the room intensified, making the air feel pressed and tight.

"Okay," I bring my arms up to cradle them against my chest. Did they miss me? I secretly hoped it at least gave me the confirmation that they still love me, despite all of this. Despite the choice I made to come here. "What did it say? Where is it?"

"I..." Edward stopped and bit his lip before trying again. "Well-"

"Marley, I'm so sorry." Zayn immediately interrupts, shooting up from his spot on the couch and strolling over to me. He took me into his arms and his voice grew soft and quiet. "All of this is just so fucked up and... I'm- I'm sorry."

"Sorry for what?" I ask, my voice steady, my arms down at my sides. "What the hell is going on?"

"I lost the letter," Edward quickly says. "I guess it wasn't where I thought it was. I don't have it with me."

"Okay, but you know what it said, right? Just tell me, this is all starting to freak me out." I let out a breath as Zayn stepped away, just behind me.

"It said," Edward looked over my shoulder before his eyes shut. "They're glad that they don't have to deal with your misbehaving ways. That they didn't expect the change in their house to be so positive after you left. That you finding out about Patricia and your real family, was one of the greatest things because they didn't realize just how much your presence was affecting their marriage."

Everyone was staring at Edward, but though I tried to see him, I only saw a silhouetted blur in front of me.

"Wh..what..?" The small word tumbled out of my mouth. It wasn't a question my brain wanted to know the answer to. It was my heart that spoke. The fragile part of me that seems to be sharply chipping away.

"I'm.... Marley, I'm so sorry." Edward says quietly, his hand twitching as if he was unsure how to move toward me, comfort me.

My eyes blinked quickly, wanting the tears gone but the motion caused them to pour over the rims and travel down my cheeks. And as soon as the figures around me wasn't a blur anymore, and I could see the sympathy in their features, I knew that this letter struck them, too.

"Marley..?" Edward asks.

I quickly turn away from him and my brother takes me into his arms, a tight embrace that was welcoming and warm. He held me to his chest, his chin resting on top of my head as his breathing calms down.

He whispers something above me, but I don't hear it.

"I hate them," I cry after silence stretched for minutes. The only reason I haven't slumped to the floor yet is because Zayn was holding me up. "I'm never going back."

"You don't deserve them, Marls." Zayn coos, his voice soft and....relieved, almost. "It's okay, we're your family and we won't ever hurt you."

* * *

I was a zombie. A ghost in the machine that was known as my body.

I was affecting their marriage? I knew I misbehaved, quite often, but they're glad I'm gone?

They're better off without me, obviously.

I sit in the guest bedroom of the Malik's home, at the tiny desk in the small corner. Zayn and Edward are downstairs and the house was quiet enough that if I listened carefully, I could hear their hushed deep voices, but no words could be made out from this distance.

I let out a deep sigh, the room around me completely dark with the exception of the dim city lights attempting to flow in past the thin elegant curtains that hung over the windows.

How does one bounce back from this? From knowing you were an accident at birth, given up, became a big nuisance upon the lives of their parents.

And now, all I can think of, is how I would probably fuck up my future as well as I did my past, just from existing.

Dark thoughts have leveled up in my mind and they're taking over my thoughts. My body felt empty, hallow, as I thought of all this.

The small glass humming bird ornament that was actually a pathetic excuse of a tiny decoration that was stationed upon this small desk, stared up at me as if it were staring into my soul.

"What are you looking at?" I grumble. My voice sounded funny because of how stuffed my nose is. I sigh at the humming bird, sweeping my hand over the desk top and knocking the ornament to the ground without a second thought.

I didn't feel any better, watching part of one of its wings break off into tiny bits of glass on the floor.

I stared down at the pieces and slowly grew sympathetic for it. Why break something so small and fragile, then pretend like it was nothing but rubbish?

Broken things can be fixed, you just have to try.

I sigh and bend over in my chair, picking up the pieces and holding it in my hands, as if it were as fragile as a real humming bird with a real broken wing, unable to fly.

I held it like its life depended on gentle touches.

"I'm sorry." I whisper to it, like it would actually accept my apology. "You and I are in same boat. Both broken."

A soft tap on the door had me carefully putting the humming bird back in its original place, the glass wing that broke off was placed right next to it.

I stood and attempted to clear my nose quietly so I could sound somewhat normal, like I wasn't crying the entire time I was in here. I opened the door after giving up my attempts and Edward's towering height stood before me.

"Zayn fell asleep, so I came to see if you were okay." He whispers.

His voice was deep, deeper than normal. Just like before we had kissed earlier today. I guess it always deepens when he's emotional. I didn't answer him, because now all I thought of was his lips on mine and how we were interrupted earlier.

But now there's no Yaser, and I wanted a distraction.

My hand reached out to grip Edward's shirt, sharply pulling him into the room and, also, into me. I tip-toed and my lips found his in the dark, the room door shutting behind him.

He lips were unmoving at first, but after he found out that it didn't stop me, his hesitation was gone and his mouth matched the hungry movements my own was giving off. His hands around my waist, my arms tightly around his neck, I felt melted against him.

"Mawey..." Edward tried to mumble my name against my lips but it failed to sound correctly, but I pulled away and shook my head.

"No, don't talk." I pressed my lips to his again and he obeyed my order, walking me backwards until the back of my knees found the edge of the bed.

(Two updates in one day because I feel bad that I haven't been on it with this book the way that I should've. I'm sorry for such the long wait.

Thank you to the first two people who commented on my other update today!

@monmich18 & @3earlyangels

You two are so sweet and made my day. In fact, you two were so sweet with your words, I felt like writing more and, poof, new chapter. So, thank you <3 I hope you all enjoyed xox

-Moani)

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