When it gets complicated

The Master and I (Sulay)

~Junmyeon~

Time seems to freeze as we stare at one another. The heavy, intensity in Yixing's eyes paralyzing me and daring me to move. I can feel my heart beating wildly against my ribcage. Taemin told me about how this feels to be under the gaze of a Dominant. How you feel so anxious and overpowered.. but yet, anticipatory.

A sense of excitement thrums through my veins, raw and scorching. I didn't realize how much i wanted this, how much i wanted to give everything to this man until he was in front of me, towering and commanding. His mere presence demands everything, and my stars, i'm more than willing to give it.

I get it now. I get that submitting doesn't mean a loss of power. It doesn't mean being weak. Because right here... right now, i feel the strongest i've ever felt. Allowing myself to give up every ounce of control feels so freeing.

I trust Yixing. I know Yixing. He'll take care of me and he won't allow me to fall.

I drop my eyes and bow my head to him, leaning forward and placing a kiss to the high heeled boot covering his foot. That explains the extra height then. I sit back and take a stabilizing breath awaiting his next move. Whatever he asks of me, i know i'll do it, and that alone makes my stomach tug in fear... but also anticipation.

My chin is lifted by a finger curled gently under it, Yixing's eyes meet mine once again. His breath seems to be labored and his pupils are dilated. I can tell how much he wants me, craves me. But he's exercising restraint. Why? I'm his for the taking. Everything i am, i'm offering on a silver platter.

"You know i never expected this out of you, Jun." Yixing says, his eyes raking up and down my body, still knelt at his feet.

Clearly it pleases him to see me like this. Of course it does. I know that feeling. That rush of seeing someone submit to you. It's such a heady feeling that you get lost in it. Even when Yixing is trying to make a point, he can't help but be affected.

I almost open my mouth, but remember my position and my teachings from Taemin. I keep my words locked away and drop my eyes from his, even if its slightly awkward from the way he still holds my head up.

"Look at me." Yixing commands and my gaze shoots to his in an instant.

A jolt zips up my spine and it feels like the breath has been punched from my chest. When Taemin was helping me he tried to explain this feeling but failed to express it properly. Now i know why. It's impossible to explain what happens to your body... your head when your Dom demands something of you. It's like every nerve in my body is pulsing in the same rhythm of Yixing's breathing.

"Speak your mind, Junmyeon. Tell me what you're thinking. I never asked this of you, so why are you doing it?" Yixing asks, his thumb comes up to trace the outline of my bottom lip and i repress a shutter.

"I know you didn't ask it of me, but i felt that i had to prove myself to you...Sir." I say, my voice foreign to my own ears. I never knew my voice could sound so... vulnerable.

Yixing sighs, a visible shiver travels through his body as he steps forward. He lifts his finger higher so he can stare down on me even further. "This... this isn't what i wanted. This isn't how i want you."

"How do you want me? Do you even know what you want anymore?" I ask, watching the control and dominance slipping from his eyes and pulling me further from my own submission.

Yixing's eyes slide from my own and my stomach swirls with desperation to have them back. "I just... everything got so complicated. At first, it was innocent. Our relationship, if i can call it that, was simple. I kept you at arms length because i felt you wouldn't understand. You were so perfect, then when i found out about just how deep into this world you were, it.. it felt so tangible. Like i could keep you, but Junmyeon... I'm not like you."