When it gets complicated

Ignorance is bliss (Sulay)

~Yixing~

An involuntary sigh leaves my lips as I walk out of my final class for the day. I only have an hour to get to work. Siwon is letting me come in and help open the club to pick up a few hours since I'll be gone this weekend.

Today has been working out to be a pretty good and productive day. I even felt a bit of the stress I had been feeling recently, roll off my shoulders.

That stress has come back tenfold, however. Tugging tightly at the nerve at the base of my skull and pulsing down my neck to my shoulders, the second I walk out of class and see who is waiting for me.

"What are you doing here?" I ask, balancing my books from one arm to the other.

Junmyeon smirks and pushes himself off the wall, silently dismissing my obvious discontent at his presence. "I missed you. I'm going to be a bit busy this weekend, so I won't be able to see you."

A part of me, a deep, disillusioned part of me, sings at his words. The very idea that Junmyeon was waiting for me, in the hopes that he'd see me, if only for a moment. That he missed me to the point of seeking me out before his business takes up his time. My heart pushes against my rib cage, as if attempting to break free and give itself over to this man in front of me on its own accord.

My head. The smart, reasonable part, however, forces it back into its place. Carefully chaining it, securing it safely in the hallow area of my chest. I had made the decision to walk away, to give up on Junmyeon, and though he's making it excruciatingly hard, I'm still firm in my choice.

Of course I've wavered at times. Of course I've wanted to give in and stay by Junmyeon's side. But in the end, the main problem remained. Junmyeon and I don't fit into each other's worlds. He's better off finding someone on his level, and he'll realize that, even if i need to make him hate me for him to do so.

I release another sigh and shake my head in frustration "I don't have time for this, Junmyeon. I have to be at work soon, then I'm heading out of town."

"Really? Where are you going?" Junmyeon asks, his eyes almost seeming to harden. "Who are you going with? Sehun?"

"Being a little too invasive aren't we?"

Junmyeon chuckles in a harsh tone, his eyes hardening. "Says the man who followed me around for over a year."

That jolts me a bit and I feel the instant shame that seems to be constantly hanging around whenever Junmyeon is near. This only reaffirms my point. We're not good for one another. After what I did, a demented breach of privacy and security, I don't even deserve the nice way he talks to me, let alone a chance to be in his life.

I wish Junmyeon would see this as clearly as i do, though. I can't help but sit back and think about how quickly things changed, about how fast things flipped. I was once the one following and obsessing over this man, but now he's the one who can't seem to leave me alone.

Clearly, he's not someone who's used to not getting what he wants. Such petty things, like pride and lack of understanding are things I️ abandoned long ago. The distance between us just gets longer and longer.

"How many times do you need me to apologize for what I did?" I ask, feeling my patience waning more and more.

Junmyeon makes an expression like that was the last thing he wants to hear. "I don't want you to appol-" he stops, and gears seem to be turning in his head. "Actually... Yixing, you can make it up to me."