When it gets complicated

Staking claim (HunHan) {party}

~Sehun~

Inhale. Exhale. Smile. Relax.

I take a deep, liberated breath. It almost feels like a weight has been lifted off of my shoulders that's been pushing me down for a long time now. It feels like progress and a step towards something I've always wanted. I never allowed myself to dream of possibilities and to dream what i wanted, but now i'm realizing that it's my life. My happiness. My dreams. I should have taken control of it a long time ago, but i just couldn't. I can now. I can stand on my own, and i feel like i have a lot of people to thank for that, but one person in particular, i owe my sudden confidence to.

Chanyeol and Kyungsoo's light bickering has me picking my head up, smiling at the scene. It's pleasant, comforting even. To everyone else it might sound annoying, or even amusing, but to me it sounds like home.

Chanyeol pulls away from a criticizing Kyungsoo and comes over to my table, setting a large coffee cup in front of me, the swirling galaxy of milk and espresso intertwining, making my stomach grumble in anticipation. The familiar sent of coffee fills my senses; the heavy, earthy smell centers me and relaxes my tired bones. I give Yeol a soft grin, which he returns, before ruffling my hair in a caring gesture, then goes back to quarreling with Kyungsoo at the front counter.

It's Friday and my morning class just ended. I should go home and help Kris, but I'm getting increasingly annoyed over Kris and Tao's shit right now. I love them, i really do, but there's only so much fighting i can take. I hate feeling like i'm in the middle. My parents had a habit of using me as a pawn to get back at each other in their fights. I know Tao and Kris would never do that, but this fight still hits way too close to home.

Growing up, my parents never really had a kind word to say to one another. They were always mad at each other for something. My parents are clearly unhappy in their marriage, have been for a long time, and instead of finding their own happiness apart, they just live through their misery because of moral and religious reasons.

Dealing with the fact that your parents can't even stand each other long enough to be in the same room for more than an hour without fighting; on top of the whole teenager thing, was just a bucket and a half of fun. I think it's why Kris and Tao have been hiding a lot of what they've been going through for my sake, but it's just making their situation worse. I'm pretty much always with one of them. If they're hiding things because of me, then it means they're not talking. I sigh and fix my eyes back on what my hand has been absentmindedly occupied with.

My pencil makes a pleasant scratching sound across my sketch pad, backed momentarily by the high pitched sound of the cappuccino maker. I smirk and pick up my cup with my left hand, my right not pausing in it's motions on the pad once. I have to give it to Chanyeol. He's running this cafe exceptionally well by himself, even if it's just for this morning. It'll close this afternoon and won't open again till Monday when Minseok and Chen comes back.

Minseok's cafe has become somewhat of a second home since i started university. It's comforting, and a great place to let my head clear. Plus, i tend to find sparks of inspiration in this type of atmosphere and after this week, i definitely need a good decompressing session. Letting my mind wander, as my hand does the same is the perfect way to do that.

I find myself releasing a disbelieving laugh at how fitting this is. Once Tao met my parents and was exposed to their distaste of one another he asked me how i wasn't more fucked up than i was. Art was my answer. Whenever my parents started fighting, i threw on my headphones full blast and threw myself into my canvases or sketch pads. There was always something so lethargic about letting your emotions and words settle themselves out among a white blank surface.