When it gets complicated

We don't slut shame our best friends (Baekyeol)

~Chanyeol~

It's a cold one today. One of those rare spring days where it decides it wants to be winter again. A shiver vibrates through my muscles and I lift my hands to breathe some warmth into them.

This bench isn't helping either. Whoever decided that cold metal in an already overly shaded graveyard was appropriate, should really rethink their life choices.

It's early, too early for me to be awake in a day I don't have class, but I can't sleep. Restlessness has taken up residence in my bed and refuses to leave. It's been like this all week. I haven't been able to sleep with the idea that Baek isn't home. That Baekhyun isn't safely tucked into his bed, away from the dangers of the world. He's been talking to the others, and apparently has even come home for cloths and some food a few times, but I always miss him. Gods do I miss him.

"Baek's mad at me." I say out loud. "I know what i did wrong. I know where i messed up, but i don't exactly know how to fix it. I could really use some advice."

I can imagine her sitting down next to me, running her fingers through my hair and shaking her head at me, tsking about my latest stupid stunt.

"He told me he loves me. He actually love me. He said he has been in love with me for years... but i hurt him. Just as i got him, he pulled away. I don't know what to do. I don't know how to fix this."

I imagine her sympathetic face, her gentle, comforting hand patting my own. I can almost hear her voice asking if I've tried speaking to him. Asking if I've even tried to fix it.

"He won't talk to me. He won't even see me. I miss him. Being away from him for so long hurts. It's like that one summer, when Heechul sent Baekhyun to space camp, but i couldn't go because i had to do summer school. It was the worst summer of my life. We've never been apart for more than a couple of weeks, and I'm going a little crazy here."

The wind blows around me, making a low pitched sound that i imagine to be her laughing at me. It makes sense. She always thought Baek and i were foolish together and i guess she's right.

"A little help would be great right now, mom." I ask, maybe a little too desperately.

Silence only greets me. Even my overactive imagination can't generate her trueness. She always had a way to say exactly what you needed to hear. She always had the best advice. But she's not here and I'm still lost. Without my mom or Baek... I'm hollow.

"I thought i might find you here." My dad says, sitting down next to me.

I whip my head over, hearing a slight pop "dad?"

"Chanyeol... it's been a while."

"What are you doing here?"

"Heechul called me. He was worried. Said you and Baek got into it."

"Why do you care?"

My dad winces and i regret my words. I've never been angry at my father. Actually it's the lack of feeling for him that makes me truly realize our distance. My mom was the one that brought us together, and after she passed... well, there went the lone thread that gave us anything in common.

The older man sighs, a tired undertone to it. I wonder if he's been sleeping enough lately; eating enough. "She was better at this than i was. Your mom knew how to make everything better and always knew what to do. I know I'm not your favorite person and god knows i could have tried harder, Yeol... but don't think i dont care about you, Son. You're my boy and honestly, you're the only piece of her i have left."