When it gets complicated

Shining Star (HunHan)

~Sehun~

The sound of my bag zipping close is way too loud in my large room. Technically it's supposed to be a double, but Tao hasn't slept in here with me since day one, so i get the over-sized room to myself. I don't mind. It gives me extra space to lay out my paintings and set up my drawling table and easel.

The only thing that bothers me is being by myself so much. I'm not too fond of sleeping alone or being by myself for long periods of time. I spent years in isolation and I don't exactly enjoy it now. Though i tend to stick to myself and put out the loaner attitude, I actually hate being left alone. Yixing and Jongin understand this better than anyone, which is why i rarely wake up without one of my hyungs in my bed. I've even woken up a few times to multiple of them sharing the already cramped bed with me.

I don't know why they insist on babying me so much, but i also can't find it in myself to mind. Even Baekhyun Hyung. Though I'd never admit it to his face, i like it when he's attentive and caring. It makes me feel important and loved. Something i never really experienced growing up.

That's why, i guess, I've always relied on my hyungs so much. They show me the love and care my parents never did. My hyungs show me what it's like to actually have a family that wants you around.

I glance at the official letter sitting on my bed, stamped with a signature and everything, as if they were addressing a client and not their son. This was something I was always accustom to, and i never thought anything of it, until i met Tao and he taught me how a real family should behave. Now their formality just feels cold and empty. A part of me wishes i could say they mean nothing to me, that my parents are just catalyst to bring me into this world so i can find my real family. But i know that's not true. They'll always be my parents.

Releasing a small sigh, i pick up the letter and shake my head before shoving the formal paper into my coat pocket. I sling my small overnight bag over my shoulder, and take one last stabilizing breath.

Yixing's words play through my head, almost reassuring. "You don't have to do this, Hunnie. You don't owe them anything."

I know i don't have to do this, but a part of me knows I'll regret it if i don't take a chance to reach out to them. They are still my parents and despite everything, i do care about them.

As i walk down the stairs, warmth spreads through my chest at what i find waiting for me.

"Are you sure you don't want us to go with you?" Baekhyun asks, his eyes soft and almost glittery with unshed tears.

I chuckle and reach the bottom, instantly pulled into the arms of one of my (I'll never admit it.) best friends. "I ... I'll be okay."

Tao bites his lip and growls lowly. "Why did Yixing have to go away this weekend? We all know he's the only person you would have accepted to go with you."

I take a deep breath, realizing this is probably more true than even they realize. Though i would love to have someone with me, i don't think they could really understand, nor could they unbiasedidly sit there and deal with what's about to happen.

Tao and Baekhyun would probably only make things worse going in there like mama bears, and Kris wouldn't let me go at all if it was up to him. The only one i trust to go and just be my supporting reassurance is Yixing.

"It'll be ok. They only asked for one dinner. I'll show up. They'll reprimand me and belittle me, then I'll politely tell them that I'm not changing who i am for them and we'll leave it at that." I say with a shrug, adjusting the strap of my overnight bag. Just a precaution. It wouldn't be the first time I've had to stop somewhere overnight to collect myself after a meeting with them.