When it gets complicated

I love you, All of you (Kaisoo)

~Kyungsoo~

A short knock on my door pulls me out of my studying bubble and i pull my eyebrows together. I've been expecting Jongin home from class but he hasn't bothered to knock on my door in a while. He discovered one day when he came back and barged into my room while i had my favorite vibrator shoved to the base inside of me, that i don't really shy away from being watched and in the long run, it benefits him since he made me cum four times that night using my toy.

"Yeah?" i ask in a confused tone just in case it's not my boyfriend.

Much to my surprise, it's Yixing who pokes his head into my room and looks at me in slight distress. "Soo, you might want to come downstairs."

"Why? What's up?" I question spinning around on my chair.

"Jongin." Is all he says in answer, but the tone he uses forces me out of my chair and down the stairs in record time.

I notice some of the guys standing near the entrance to the living room and immediately b-line towards them. They part for me and i stop in my tracks, when i find Jongin angrily pacing around the room and muttering nonsense under his breath, while tossing and kicking around anything in his way. The look on his face is deeply distressed and judging by the way his body is ridged like stone and his hands keep contracting to and from fists, he's not in a good state of mind. 

"What's going on?" I ask Sehun, who sighs and looks at me with heavy concern in his eyes.

"Jongin is kind of going off the rails. SuJu is closed for the week and Jongin has been studying and taking his finals, but i think the stress is getting to him. He just got back from one of his finals and i don't think he did too well." Sehun explains.

I blink at the scene in front of me and cock my head to the side. "Why is he raging though?"

Sehun snorts. "Oh, right, you've never been affronted by one of Jongin's temper tantrums before." I shake my head, not having even heard of this being a thing before. Sehun sighs and begins to explain. "Jongin usually uses dance and work to kind of blow off his steam. He drops into Kai for a few hours, dances off his bad vibes, then goes on. But Siwon closed SuJu and the dance rooms are booked all week for the dance majors. His little stress filled brain can only handle so much. Jongin was kind of like this freshmen year before i introduced him to Baek and then he got the job on the weekends. After that he seemed to chill out a lot, but when every one of your outlets is gone, it's hard to deal. Especially since he's been trying a lot harder lately to get good grades."

"Why is he trying harder?" I ask watching my angry little tea pot muttering under his breath, while crouching on the ground and grabbing at his hair.

Sehun looks down at me with a really look that i don't really understand until i take a second to think of why Jongin would suddenly put more effort into school and it clicks. My stomach sinks and my chest aches at this revelation. Jongin's been pushing himself so hard because of me. Guilt ceases me and i really wish i could kick my own ass because through this week I've been so focused on my own tests and assignments, that i completely neglected Jongin's mental health and never once checked in with him. I'm an idiot.

I may be gifted at studying and academically inclined, but i never felt that Jongin needed to be as well. I want Jongin to be Jongin. He doesn't need to change for me. Once Jongin calms down we should have a talk about this. But right now he's not in that place, He's in another place entirely. New territory that I'm not familiar with, so i have to be careful about how to approach this.

A book flies across the room and i take a deep breath wondering just how exactly we calm him down. It's not like we can rapidly build a dance studio in the living room and i doubt with Jongin raging away, he'd be in the dancing mood anyways.